I tend to get my dose of 'EUPHORIA' towards the end of every posting, especially when there's the portfolio review and feedback sessions. I've done it again this time, WELL... with minor corrections. Im just glad and relieved that all these are over, and most importantly, O&G is coming to an end. Can't wait to start surgery next week, last posting though, meaning these would be the last 5 weeks in my entire life being a medial student! I am so not prepared to be released into the world of 'real' medicine soon, wished that it woud take another 5 years, or more, i dont mind. Im no looking foward to go out there to work, especially in a world which would be unforgiving at times, surrounded by nasty people from all walks of life.
This would be the time to ask myself whether whatever i went thought the past 5 years was worth it. All the failures in the begining, tears shed most of the time, tantrums thrown while i get so so fed-up of reading all those stuff that never made any sense at that time. If you asked me, med school was never an easy journey for me, especially each time sitting for exams. I am so used of failing till i have lost almost all my confidence when i go in for exams. And guess what, the confidence that you see in me right before going to exams, well, that's definitely not me! Though smiling and giggly prior to it, deep inside, im strugling to keep my senses together. Defence mechanism, like what they call it. It's as if a stab wound that would never heal, after my first failure in sem 1. I'll never forget the moments that i went through after getting my results, had to re-study 'everything' in that 2 weeks, worrying about mum being in the hospital at that time. I was really lucky to manage to scrape through it, then when sem 3 with the viva, oh god. I never knew that i would had passed. I still remembered clearly that when i told my mum i had to go for viva, she din't even know that it was for borderline viva, which determines a pass of fail. You'll never imagine what i go through everytime before the viva list comes out from then on. It's as if im having a 'heart attack'. I hardly breath, with the diaphoresis and palpitations... UNIMAGINABLE...
Though life in clinical school was 'fun', a.k.a freaking tough! It was the reading and memorizing that's killing me now, as im more of a 'common sense' kinda person. Come to think of it, clinical school life in BP ain't that bad after all. I've somehow managed to regain my confidence which i've lost along the past 5 years, though at times i now feel that i should just 'shut up'. Life has been pretty nasty the past few months here, nevertheless, i should thank my lucky stars that i've pulled though it. Although the next few weeks would not be an easy ride as well, but, i'm sure i'll make it through ALIVE. I know i will. It's just that i'll never know the results of it yet, as it would all be revealed in August.
I guess for now life just goes on, as it is. I am certainly grateful to all the kind souls that i met along this journey, which we call them as 'guardian angels'. I do believe their existence, and everyone is at a particular place at a particluar time for a purpose.
@ 1720, 17062008... blogging overdose for now...
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