2009...

It came then it went. Time indeed flies when you are busy with life. This post is 3 days early (thanks to the EOD calls all lined up for this entire week, i doubt if i have the time to blog anytime soon). 2009 has indeed been an eventful year for me...

1. Getting my first ever pay check which its amout was something i never gotten before.
2. Making new friends (which i NEVER EVER do).
3. Losing 2 family members.
4. Accepting 4 new family members.
5. Back to being myself, despite of all the craziness in life that i go through everyday.

Lessons i learnt well this year...

1. Life IS SHORT! Enjoy life to the fullest everyday. You'll never know when your time comes.
2. Letting go and moving on. (im not even through the letting go part yet!)
3. There's never ever enough love to be spread around.
4. Love life, love yourself, love everyone around you, love everything around you.
5. Always be thankful and appreciate what you have.

Has indeed been a roller coaster ride this year. Especially the past few weeks. But whatever has happened has happened, life goes on. This shall be one of those years that would be hard to forget, if it would ever be forgotten. It's easy to say that life goes on, but it hardly does go on for me. Im not even half way through the letting go part.

People i've met throughout this year have been really nice to me, and i thank god for letting our lives meet. A million thanks to all those who have been my pillars of support and hope, those who lent me a crying shoulder, those who were there when i needed them most.

Im a loner, i sincerely admit this. After losing my best friend, life still aint the same yet, but i do hope that time heals all sores. I still do cry to sleep at night, i just miss you being next to me. It's different of you not being around, something is missing from my life. I miss you being there when i get home, i miss the pillow talks , i miss the sharing of food, i miss the 'lazing' sessions, i just miss you so so much.

Enough said. Goodbye 2009...

@ 1038, 28122009, miss you buddy...

Best Friend

Lost my best friend on wee hours of saturday morning (5 December 2009), after battling lifehe most unwanted death certificate (brain cancer) for almost year. He's not just my best friend, but rather my other half. Been with each other for the past 10 years, i owe all my emotions to him. I've learnt most of life's lessons from him. It has been as if we were connected somehow. He was the one and only person that could read my mind, always knew what i was going through during my rough times, knew when i was happy, was there when i needed a heart to heart chat, was there to contain all my tears during my down days, was there most of the time in my life for the past 10 years.

It's hard to loose someone that you are so close to, someone that is the pillar of your life, someone who just knows what's going on in your life. He was there when i graduated from highschool, college and university. He was there when i celebrated 10 of my birthdays. He was there when i started working. He was there when i needed him most, always there no matter night or day, just there. Nevertheless, its time to let go. It is time for him to go to a better place. The last week of his life was just plain cruel. Moaning in pain although on 50mcg of fentanyl patch. It's a blessing that he does not have to suffer anymore. Gone to a better place. But no matter what. i shall never forget you, buddy. You'll always have a special place in my heard.

May you rest in peace, Teddy. Love you always...

@ 1849, 08122009. This post is 3 days late, thanks to EOD calls, end of posting presentation and assessment. Thank godness the at least the end of posting stuff are over now...

Maiden call...

Barely 17 days old in this profession, and i was left all alone to handle it myself. Gosh, the number of butterflies in my stomach the enitre time was unbearable. Definitely one of my luckiest days of my life, a total of only 4 admission in16 hours, and no more admissions after 7pm! Thank god im a non-jonah, and hope that it'll be always like that from now on. Its indeed scary when you are left all alone to do the things that you take for granted on a daily basis. I was figiting like fish out of water and all the nurses could just see it in me. Nevertheless, i managed to pull myself together at times like that and made it through.

Next call is this coming friday, honestly, im not looking foward to it, but, its part of my life from now on. Was welcomed to this profession in the most intriguing way, and would never be forgotten. Although im dog tired, but i have no regrets to be in the profession that i chose. I actually enjoy doing what im doing on a daily basis, despite the long working hours, hard labour and being treated like a dog. But in the end of the day, at least im in a profession that no work is taken home to be completed, as it all has to be done in the workplace. That's a definitely plus plus point for this profession.

p/s... Bobo is a BUCK.

@ tired, another long day tomorrow...

Letting go...

Its definitely hard to let go when the time comes, but one does not have a choice at times like these. Cleo passed away this morning, and it has been 4 hours since i found out, but i still am not able to contain my tears of sadness. I just have to pour everything out now, as i can't take it anymore.




The 1 thing i learnt from her, is her everyday motto... 'LIVE LIFE AS THERE IS NO TOMORROW'. I totally agree with this, after seeing that life is indeed short. Never had a chance to pass kittenhood, her joyful and fullfilled life robbed away sadly by a 'hit and run' accident. At least the person had te mercy to put her at our doorstep, giving us a last chance of saying our goodbyes.




Calling our place home, but i guess by now she is in her true home. The past 8 months has just been like a 'layby', for her to repay her sins for what she did the life before. Its definitely sad for us that her stay here was undoubtly short, instead, i should be thankful that now she's in a better place. I guess its just that her debt has been paid, and she deserves to be in a better place.




I brought you home when you could hardly walk, fattened you up 3 hourly including wee hours of the night, was there when you first pooped, your first encounter with ted and duchess and bobo, witnessed your first kill and many more after that, enjoyed your 'lamming' and 'tortilla wrapping' sessions, you watching the computer screen as i was playing games, when you would just sleep like a slob on any surface, or just plain 'keow-ing' outside the house...




We had great times together, and you've left your footprints all over this house, even on the keyboard that im typing on now, which keeps me contemplating if i would still want to repair those 2 keys that you miraculously managed to yank out, just like that. Thank you for the opportunities given to us to spend precious moments together, and we would cherish it all our lives... May you rest in peace, Cleo...




1110, 19082009, sadhu, sadhu, sadhu......

Cleo...

Cleo, in short for Cleopetra Guo Benjamin, a.k.a savage, crocroch, kitty and many more. This is the newest addition to 'the zoo' i have at home, most of all, she is Ted's new pet. Who could ever imagine this would ever happen in ted's lifetime??? Her milestones in pictures...

...

@ 1209, 18062009, 2nd post in an hour, to kill boredom...

Book review...

Finally i had the time to actually read whatever i liked after 5 long grueling years. Whatever review below is what i have been up to for the past few months... All of these are just MY opinions, none of which should be taken seriously. Seriously...

I begun with this...

Did not buy this book. In fact, i got it for free when i bought "The five people you meet in heaven" by Mitch Albom. This title (The kite runner) was kindda new at that time, guess they were trying to promote it before it got popular, and i did try to read it. It was SO SO BORING in the begining. After the first few pages, i just lef this book lying somewhere i my room. It was just an ordinary August night, where i was bored and had nothing to do, found this book in some corner of my cupboard, picked it up, decided that i should give it another chance. HOLY COW! After i finished the first chapter, i DID NOT lay it down anymore! I started it at midnight, finished it at 7 in the morning. The adrenaline from the excitement i got just pump me on and on through the WHOLE ENTIRE NIGHT! I still remembered the next day i met up with my best friends for dim sum, but my mind was still in the story. Its about this war that they have in the middle east, some kid from a weathy family growing up under these circumstances. Its about friendship, between a rich kid and a servant's son, about sacrifices friends make, about the cruelty and the traumatic effect you get in warzones. Throughout the entire story, prepare to expect the unepected...

Verdict : A really good read.

After this, i went hunting for the second book penned by Khaled Hosseini.

The setting is similiar to 'The Kite Runner', also about friendship, but, this time round its all about the women there. How they are treated, what is their social strata, their roles as daughters and wifes. The entire book is about 3 women and their lives, but in some way or rather, all these three women are inter-related, not genetically, but socially. It gives an entirely different picture as this author's other book, as the other book's main characters were male. Not a bad read, but after reading, it could be boring at first since the setting of the story is almost the same as the other, but the storyline is entirely different.

Verdict : A good read, but only if you are free as it could get quite boring towards the end.

Decided to get the old ones out of the closet to read them once more.

One of the books that i'll never get bored with. Read it 3 times in total, even watched the movie (which was touching, but did not really enjoy it), yet, i still get the excitement reading through it once more. I guess its just because im a dog person, and any books about dog would simply "WOW" me. Maybe its the way John Grogan penned it, the way he described Marley the dog, his antics , his attitude towards us human, his moods... not forgetting his NEVER ENDING adventures with the Grogans... Humanlike.

Verdict : A wonderful light read, for entertainment purposes, but the ending is as expected. Every dog/human has his day...

Continued with this...

Read this book once before after i finished 'The Da Vinci Code' a long time ago. Im the kidda person interested in maths and physics, and this was one of by favourites. Although its fiction, but the continous puzzles and mystery to be solved kept me going on and on once more till the end. Its about some kind of 'passerkey' that must be cracked within 24 hours, and this program could give one the ultimate gift of being able to send anything online without ever being traced. A combination of murder, romance and adventure, all in a single book.

Vertict : Would be intresting if you are the inquitive mind kidda person.

Went to kinokuniya one of the Mondays, came home with this book...

Had no idea what it was about, only knew that it had something to do with a dog. This was indeed an enjoyable read, as it was from an entirely different prespective. The entire story was from ENZO's prespetive. I shall not tell you who Enzo is, so you gotta read this to find out. Its about marriage, family,death, the-in-laws, the custody battles, car racing, and mostly about a little girl growing up under these circumstances.

Verdict : Really enjoyed it, since it was entirely from a different prespective...

More reviews to come, as im having trouble adding the pictures to this post...

@ 1136, 18062009...

Funny...

Took this online test thingy and guess what? I turned out to be a brain... Read more to decipher the entire meaning of this...

You Are The Brain

You're the type of person who's always on, always churning. You are alert and quick to react. You like to stay busy. You are responsible but also demanding. You take up a lot of energy. You are someone of deep mystery. There's a lot below the surface that's hard to figure out.

What Internal Organ Are You?

OK. Now, to decipher the code behind all these mumbo jumbo...

1. Always on, always churning.

This would definitely symbolize MY GUT! Blardy right that it keeps on churning, day and night!

2. Alert and quick to react, stay busy.

Guess that true as well. I can't leave things undone, uncomplete, half hanging in a way. Stay busy, definitely. I can never sit still for 5 minutes, have been figitting through all my classes till now.

3. Responsible and demanding.

Haha, the responsible part, maybe, but demanding, definitely. If someone wants me to do the best, i would expect the best as well.

4. Deep mystery.

Maybe beause i do not smile as much as others, and i do not look friendly at first sight. As time passes and you get to know me more, there is definitely many things to discover.

@ 1237, 11052009... Just bored...

What Irony...

It is indeed what worse than this could happen for me, but then, im going to see things as the cup half full rather than half empty this time round. Always believed that things happen for a reason, maybe someone up there has bigger plans for me to stick around here longer, nearer to home perhaps. Believe it or not, i actually failed a second time round. Its either im really really that bad or the aus gomen has something against me. Rather than a 249 out of 250, this time its a 294 out of 300. At times like this i really wonder WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME! Fortunately for me, after so so many failures in my 25 years of life, im taking this rather well. It has not really affected me like how it did last time, maybe becaused i've already planned the next step of action before i got these results, just in case i din't pull through.

There the debate begins... Which hospital should i put as my choices? After being home for the past 8 months, i'd definitely opt to work as close to home as possible, don't know why myself. Remember then when i wanted to go away as far as possible, as both S&S were indeed tempting as there is like an extra of RM1000 of monthly allowance? I guess thats just not important to me now. Now, i would definitely prefer somewhere near home, but, no matter what, if they happen to send me to some place blardy far, i guess i'll just pack up my bags and go! No matter what, it can't be that bad... IM STILL IN IN THE SAME COUNTRY... how far can it be? Home would just be a phone call away, at local rates... It aint that bad...

The tasks to visiting governmet offices shall begin... These would be me going around chasing the goose. You know what i mean. All i can do not is pray for the best, hope that i get my choices, and whoever is up there, i really do hope everything works out as planned now.

@ 1202, 08052009, new path begins... i wonder if its the path less taken...

Yippiedy, yappady, yak...

Indeed i have no idea how i conjured up the title of this post, it was just something that came across my mine while i was waiting for this page to load (yeah, it does takes maxis 'narrowband' centuries just to load a page!). Neway, life has been prety hectic the past week, daily classes (pbl's or just being a SP), housechores to be done, time needed to nurse that timebomb headache, or just plain lazing around at home with ted.

That old guy seems to be gaining pounds the past few months, more specifically since i got home for good. He's getting old by the second, tired and sleeping most of the day, getting mild 'asthmatic attacks' whenever he gets too excited, front paw arthritis at nights, grouchy sometimes... Guess thats just the ageing process that living beings go through. Still yet to outgrow the puppy habit, like bone and toy chewing. That's the weirdest thing about him, so old yet still young at heart.

Haven't much to blog about lately, partly contributed my being tired all the time. I sleep most of the day, yet, i still do yawn most of the time. Im just lethargic, so so tired till i'd rather glue my butt onto the couch or bed. Don't know what is so physically draining, whats 'eating' all my energy.

@ 1106, 10042009, cooking lunch soon...

Depersonalization...

Been under the weather the past 2 days. Waking up with headaches, feeling un-attached to my body yet able to feel the pain, mood swings on and off during the day, lethargic... I just don't know what is wrong with me. The stress levels are now NIL, but, these complaints seem to be worse day by day. Im currently up to 3 tabs of cafergot for the past 2 days, and about to take another while im typing in this post. The cafergot only gives temporary relieve, by masking the worst ever migranes that i'll ever get.

My life haven't been greater now. Received my first paycheck recently, classes every other day, spending most of my time with ted, catching up on reading, 'roaming' the shopping complexes with WK on mondays... There's nothing else i can ask for, other than GET RID OF THIS DAMNED HEADACHE!

Honestly, its getting worse. There's nothing much i can do about it these days other than try to get some sleep in my 'dracula like' room. Sometimes i think that im indeed paranoid, thinking that there's actually 'something growing in my brain'. The headaches does indeed change intensity with position, and definitely worse when i bend down. The more i think of it, i seriously think that 'its all in my head', im fine. But one thing is for sure, vomiting does indeed relieves it temporarily, only to get it back again after an hour or so.

Gut-wise, its still the same, with in-the gut-mood-swings as well. Calorie intake still the same, just the lack of exercise. Lost the interst to go swimming, mostly due to the headaches and tiredness all the time. Just climbing up the stairs would 'kill me'.

I sometimes feel that this body of mine is at the verge of giving up. Even my back, knee and hip giving problems at times. Im going to pass only quater of a century soon, but, it is too fast indeed for me to give it all up now. I've gotta buckle up and find a long tern solution for all of these...

@ 04042009, 1224, today aint my day...

Relieved...

Just relieved that its over, but then, the waiting now begins. It's like no other. The situation now is critical, life or death. The choice is either to 'rot and die' like everyone else in this country's healthcare workforce, or soar to 'better opportunities' offered aboard. Only a small step taken out the the giant leap, and the game begins till next month.

Started another job yesterday, the sessions of the previous one seems to get lesser by the months. This time round its my turn to 'act' as 'the patient', where it is sort of boring although its just my second day! These students i tell you.... DOINK to the MAX. Although i was in their shoes not quite long ago, the current younger generation... OH MY, i could just kill myself there in the session. Its rather irritating when they dont know what they want to ask, and even more irritating when they DONT PREPARE BEFORE COMING TO CLASS!

Life is back to the mundane after the stress level buiding up for the past few weeks. Was thinking of travelling somewhere soon, but financially incompetent to do so. Just see how i pass the next few days...

@ 1319, 26042009, stuck in between sessions, can't go home, sob sob...

Depression...

This time round its not a psychological issue anymore. The 'depression' around us seems to get deeper by the day. A friend of mine just lost her job recently, retrenchments just keeps piling up day by day, the economy is from bad to worse, world death toll due to disasters going up by the day... WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO???

With the presence of a depression, thing seem to be just the same for me, but i doubt it would be in a few months time, when i do start filling up the internship application forms then. I really do pray hard that they indeed need my services down under, secure myself with a job, at least for the next year or so. From there on, it would all depend on my 'karma'.

Still being my usual self, 'nocturnal animal' like, barely making it through the 1030am pbl sessions with the sem 5's. My daytime dysfunctionality has been taking a toll on me, since i have to be awake in the afternoons as a chauffer. When it is time to hit the books, im lethargic but awake? Any solutions?

Have stopped blogging for quite some time now. It's more of because i can't find a topic to blog about, rather than i don't have to time to blog. My life is pretty mundane nowdays, with the same schedule day by day. When im all greared up to go for a holiday, people around me are indifferent, at all reasons, with the current economic slowdown, saying 'not now'. Maybe that's how life works...

@ 1234, 11022009, going to have breakfast now...

Rekindling the past....

The past was not that long ago, say 3 years, maybe? I attended my first PBL session today, this time only to be on the other side of the fence. Hell yah, i was the BLIND facilitator leading the BLIND students! Haha, the look on their faces when they first saw me is worth a thousand words. First day on the job, and I LOVE it. Maybe its because im starting with my favourite subject... ORTHO, or Musculoskeletal system (as it is named in pre-clinical school). Not a 9 to 5 job, just 2 sessions per week, at whatever time i like (within office hours of course!). Getting paid is another matter, it like 100 bucks per session. Gosh, good maney, aint it? Considering that it would definitely be a GOOD revision for me...

Sem 5's... What they are now is exactly like what we were back then. Blur, pindrop silence during PBL's, only speak when spoken to, waiting for the lec for answers... But then, as usual there are those who are on the more extreme side, those outspoken, session domineering people. The group chemistry among them is rather good, where almost all of them think on the same line, that i gotta thank AAD for doing such a great job.

Another session to come this thursday, where its their turn to do the talking this time round. The funny thing about this group is that all of them opted to do ALL the topics, not like what we used to during the olden days. We'd rather take the short way out, coz we knew that in the end PBL's were more of crap and BS. Or maybe its just their first session of the semester, where everyone is still fresh from the holidays and good rest, lets just wait till the work and lectures start pouring in, when they have sleepless nights studying or just reading up for PBL!

@ 1219, 20012009, im dog tired, thanks to 'MISSY' the cat...

Welcome 2009!!!

There we go once more. At least this year i did not have to spend my new year in the usual DUMP! I was at home, online, while the seconds passed and the fireworks lit up the sky. Indeed a loooooooong year it has been, uncountable events in life, unforgettable ones. 2008 was filled with tears of joy, as well as tears of sadness. Was in and out of the dumps till August, then it was just a staright line on an ECG strip from there onwards... Till few days ago, where my roller coaster life returned. It's always the unexpcted that happens. As if i am JINXED! Sitting for exams is surely a JINXED matter for me, always getting the almost pass mark but yet FAILED! At these times i am indeed fed up. But then, its such as waste if you look at it as the 'cup is half full'. These few days have been rather fustrating, im so near yet so far, and it is SO SO TIME CONSUMING!

I've literally wasted away 4 months, doing nothing other than rotting at home. Totally unprodutive. I am indeed a waste of nature. Useless. A useless bump, thats how i see it.

New year, new resolutions, new dream, new hopes, and definitely NEW ACHIEVEMENTS! I've gotta put my best out this time, and it shall be a MUST to do well. I can't afford to waste anymore time... It's preciously ticking away before i realize...

@ depressed... but then, its a new year... what can i say???