Regrets???

Maybe not. Though been busy today, at least now we are having a blast. Awesome food, good company...

Life ain't so bad after all..

Last post of the year....

@ 2349hrs, 31122011... At work...

Miserable

Back to one of thosedays again, where i'm just not in d mood for anyting for that matter. Lying in bed and hoping for the best. It sucks feeling like that all the time. When you do not want to know the truth, but its staring at your face blankly, whether you like it or not. ..

@ 1530hrs, 29122011, dammit...

Calls...

That's quite my life nowdays... Oncall, post call off... Sleep... Call again... Get a life! Seriously, its time to get out there and get a life. Its crazy here. Well, it depends also. How can one ever sleep when they are oncall?

Its not that bad as it sounds. In 7 hrs time, i'll be on my way home, when everyone else is on their way to work. Regrets joining this department? Hell no...

@ resting the damn sprained knee... 0052h, 28 dec 2011

end of life...

What does this sound like? What happens then when the outer shell of us decides to disintegrate and not support us anymore? Ever wondered???

Organ donor? Not organ donor? Are our organs that valuable? Why are human beings so greedy. Harvest everything that they can get their hands on, from the heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, bones, skin...

Life isn't everything. Life shouldn't be taken for granted. Life is SHORT. Expect the unexpected. Nothing always turns out as it was supposed to be. Or maybe the existance of parallel universes just makes things more complicated. 

So what am i supposed to say or do when the time comes. How am i supposed to face the truth when the time comes? I absolutely have no idea to face it. 

How do people who already know that their time is already up face it? How do they take things in prespective when the time is right? Is there ever a right time to finally accept it all? Will i ever know when the time comes?

It's scary. Honestly, i chicken out. Im would choose the path of NOT TO KNOW rather than TO KNOW. I'd rather have an instantanous death instead of a slow, suffering one. I'd rather someone or something to kill me in a split second. How i wish if that could ever happen. 

Maybe as i battle this on then i'll finally understand how things work in its own mysterious ways. Maybe people tend to grow as they learn their disease better. Maybe we will wake up one fine day knowing what to expect. Maybe, maybe, maybe... It's just full of maybe's ......

Reincarnation... Maybe another day...

@ 1826, 31102011... Enough for today.... Next time...

Quarter life crisis...

Mid-life crisis, as it is always known... How about quarter life crisis??? Something that came up recently. Depression and anxiety. Nightly insomnias. How could i take it anymore? Reminds me of those days in medical school... Where I couldn't sleep at night till i'll haunt the usual mamak corners of seremban. Life now is indeed different. Working during the day, supposedly to study at night. The sevoflourane is driving me nuts. Im blaming that as the cause of my insomnia. No other apparent reason.

Been down these few weeks. Actually almost a month now. Still unable to pin point the cause, Im at the verge of going to see someone, which i indeed hope that can sort my life out now, but  most likely its impossible.

Loss of appetite, loss of interest in the usual stuff that i used to enjoy. I don't even enjoy being with furball now. Just one too many things on my mind.

As if i don;t have enough going on in my life, others just have to keep adding salt to the already infected wound.

I can't seem to catch up with life as the days pass by so fast. I can't even catch my breath. It's as if im running a never ending race, i don't think that i can make it to the finish line in time.

Please wait for me.......

@ 2056... Leave me alone.... Please???

Major depression...

Just too many things happening at the same time... At this moment in time. Basically, its just missing my buddy. Missing talking to someone who shares your sorrow and feelings. Someone who just knows what actually going on without asking a word. Someone there to hug and hold when i need to. Maybe its just the wrong time of the month. The emotional one if you could understand.

Im just missing ted too much. As in REALLY missing him madly. Uncontrollable tears, unconsolable cries. I really do not know what to do. That bad till i don't even want to go home. Work is just occupying my time most of the day, which is helpful during daytime.

Everything has just gone wrong. I can't take it anymore. It's just not supposed to go all like that. It's more of nature taking its course than me controlling the situation. That's why its frustrating......

At times like this, i'll just cry, cry and cry. I miss his company. His presence when i really need him. Its been almost 1 1/2 years now. Adaptive mechanisms has still not kicked in. It's actually been some time that i've sobbed like that. I really do, really really miss him...

@ 2139, 13052011... Love you always, one and only...

Hooooooooooolidayz......

Gone were the days where school holidays were always there and awaited for. These days there hardly are any planned holidays... Mainly ELs or mcs. End of posting leave... Finally. Never been back home for such a long period since work started. Done with oath then the last one to go... Hope that I'll like it... Anesthesiology.

Gut has been crazy as usual. The are days where its just well behaved, days that I feel like killing myself as theres no good reason to live.

Heading to penang in a days time. Just to chill out and basically do nothing. Hah! Finally. I so need this break.

@1049...at home, waiting for a phonecall.

Looooooong time.........

Feels like a gazillion years since i last blogged. Anyways... Lots of updates... Happy new year, happy CNY, happy valentines day, happy labour day (which is like in a month's time...)

Life's been too short lately, Lost both BOBO abd Clipper in December. Both part of the ever expanding family. Missing ted dearly, still do cry at night. Little russ... Nonstop, up to mischieve 'monkey'. Zen's her usual calm self, up to mischief behind your back! Both kids at granny's place for the time being. Thanks to those stupid 'thieves' who wish to dognap both babies of mine. Happened few weeks back. Both grandparents going nuts in KL.

Work, Work, Work... Not that bad, shouldn't complain too much now, being in ortho, my true love. Having a blast, other than being in the 'spine team'. Last 2 months before this was really blast with the 'foot and ankle' team. Call's been great as always, superbly enjoyable OT calls as always.

Surprisingly there's nothing much to say today. Maybe i've not been blogging for too a long time...

@ 2125, 29032011... At home...