Happiness...

It's not easy to find happiness if you are leading a life like the one that i do, but i should be thankful and appreciate whatever i have now. Living in the comfort, under a roof, all the necessities, plus all the unnecessary stuff that i have which 'chokes' up almost half of my room. But, small gestures, events and even tiny winny things make my day. Im not the type that demands much from life or people areound me, I don't even care what happens to anyone else around me... call me a hermit, and anti-social, insensitive to surroundings rodent, but im who i am. But, when it comes to my love ones and those that really 'light up' my life, it still depends on the timing and circumstances.

Unexpectedly drove down all the way to midvalley yesterday morning. Just to have lunch with WK. It was really worth it i tell you. Every cent, second and every single joule of energy that i spent. It's not like i have not met her for ages (almost a month ago), but, you know what, WK, you really do 'LIGHT UP MY LIFE'. I really have no idea how that works, but you really made my day.

Today was another one of those where i have my mood swings, on off boredom... At least i got the good news that the tbl tomorrow afternoon will be in the morning, which means that im going back home for lunch! Hooray!

Gonna start surgery next week. Long days, short nights. Will be in Dato K's ward the whole of next week, which means no more 'playing truant' and gotta cover my beds. Im actually glad that these 'so ever boring' postings are over, and more of that i really am going to enjoy surgery as it is something that i love.

Too bad the best of life does not stay forever, only for 4 weeks! Gonna go through HELL PAEDS (i just hate screaming & crying kids) after that, then the DREADED INT MEDICINE (a subject that i can never master no matter how hard i try), and finally the EXHAUSTING O&G (i just have no intrest in it!)! 12 weeks down the line, gonna be the worst of my life! After that will be the 'ultimatum', END OF SEM 9 exams. All these to stretch from now till end of Feb next year. Looks like a hard, long and bumpy road to come!

Forget all the events to come, im just going to be my bubbly, greddy self for now!

@ Just bored... 2255, 27092007

Toyz......

Can't live without them. They play a more important role in my life than food. MUAHAHAHAHA. Got myself another toy car, to be added to the collection. This time its a DIY thing.... LEGO of course. Practically grew up in a LEGO factory (how i always wished so!)... They accompanied me since i could remember (most prob since i had the pincer grip mastered), the nights that i was left at home alone while my parents went out for dinners, the days of kindergarden where i had to live with my grandmother for a year so that i could go to a mandarin type kindergarden (that really sucked!), the nights that i refused to sleep so that i could complete whatever i was doing. All my birthday nights spent awake bcoz i was sure to get a new set every single birthday till i was 15...

Will not forget my first set, it was a house, but the type that did not come with a roof. Then followed by the airport (complete with aeroplane & helicopter), police station, ambulance, rubbish truck, a few cars, so much more i cant remember! The last set i got was a limited edition STAR WARS R2-D2 set (to scale, had a built in light sensor so that it could move!), then my bro got the AT-AT set. Those were the coolest stuff that i actually had when i was young.

Just now i spent Rm50, on this car. It comes with a pull back mechanism where it accelerates after being pulled back. Gosh, it really reminds me of the old days where i would just spend hour and hours sitting down on the floor putting all these bricks into place!

The box with scattered pieces before construction...

The final product. A beauty, ain it?

@ Absolutely joyous mood, nothing can spoil it now, not even a troublesome GIT!

1724, 26092007

KABOOM!!!

Gosh, i really really wish that this happens to my head at this moment. This freaking migrane has been driving me nuts since yesterday night... And no, nothing seems to GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD (i've tried 2 PCM's, 1 celebrex, 2 ponstan, any pther brilliant ideas?) Its so freaking bad, I CANT SLEEP, I LIE STILL, I CANT STUDY, IM JUST LYING THERE IN THE MOST EXCRUCIATING TORTURING PAIN IN THE HEAD!!! At times that i wish i could just drive my head through the wall!!!

This is my FIRST ever migrane episode in sban. Have not been having them for almost 2 years now. Had it since 14, it was my 'best' companion till college days, would come as often as twice a month. Gradually became better during BJ days... Totally dissappeared since i came here, AND NOW! WHY THE HELL DID IT BOTHER TO COME BACK?????

@ So dreading the radiology session at 1430, but gotta go, so that I WONT BE THE NEXT LEADER for the next posting!!! 1215, 25092007

Pillows 'o' pillows

I REALLY AM NUTS when it comes to pillows. Purchased another new addition to my collection this evening... This time its a 'anti-dust mite' CHILDREN's pillow. Decided to get a smaller sized one this time, coz if i get another standard sized one, i'm sure to fall off my bed tonight. Did not like the conventional square smaller pillow that they had to offer (reminds me of those you find on the couch). Was hunting about all afternoon, & VIOLA! Finally spotted the perfect sized pillow in tesco. Categorized as CHILDREN's pillow, as it is still rectangle in shape, but smaller than the standard ones. Too bad they did not come with feather stuffings, or it would be even more perfect...

Up till now, i have a total of :

2 standard sized feather pillows

2 standard sized cotton pillows

2 MAS pillows

1 children's sized pillow

1 standard sized bolster

2 mini blosters

10 pillows on my SINGLE SIZED bed, which comes in all shapes & sizes... They all have 1 thing in common... ALL CLAD IN DIFFERENT SHADES OF BLUE!!!

@ overjoyed & really hoping to get a good night's sleep... 0139, 20092007

Satisfied??? I don't think so...

Content, satisfaction... Looks like im suppose to feel so... After so MANY days of just staying at home... procrastinating... lazing around... fueling up with junkfood... wasting time... surfing the net... Just not in the mood to go to IMU... The place makes me sick!

At least the mood swings are not that bad this week... My better half has been starting to resurface once more after being in the trench for the past 2 weeks. Rather grateful that im going home tomorrow afternoon, back to my room, my bed, ted's side. Gosh, i just cant wait for another 24 hours!

What am i up to tonight??? So far no plans yet. Just got back from jusco & tesco. Gobbling up a pack of chips while typing this entry. Suddenly had the craving for 'woo tau kou' a.k.a yam cake, just now, might take a drive down town later to get it... Just see what happens...

@ 1706, 19092007

Another week...

Its friday again, another week just flew by once more. Did nothing, more of had gone through an emotional roller-coster this whole week. Not been myself or anyone, or anything else. Relieved that that im going home soon. This wekend is all about sitting back & relaxing, just letting the world pass as it does...

Anaes over & done with, radio up next... Dont even wanna think about it. Let it be till i gotta face it on monday. For now, as long as tomorrow's TBL is done, that's all im concerned about. Going to go there & crap as usual, as i don't really understand what i have read from the books. Just go there bla bla bla, when asked if there is anything else, just give a straight 'no', then see what happens!

@ 0114, 14092007

Mood swings...

Just not been myself for the past week... 5 seconds of mania... followed by a bout of depression... On off on off... Really going nuts soon...

In the MOST BORING POSTINGS IN MY LIFE... 2nd to PSYCHIATRY!!! The only good thing about it is that they really spoon feed you, which means all the classes are actually lectures!

Supposed to have a long day tomorrow, by a 'great' man who can go on talking for 5 hours straight! Absolutely no idea how he does it, but by just listening to him is excruciating enough to make you suffer. He talks about everything under the sun... the gossips in the medical community, politics, everything about himself... Gosh, an hour's long lecture is super-extended from 8.30am till 4.30pm!

The freaking sleep debt is taking its toll on me... dizzy when upright, exceptionally GOOD appetite, lack of concentration... And yet, I STILL FAIL TO GET A GOOD NIGHT"S SLEEP! The longest sleep that i ever got since the past week is 2 hours straight! Most of the 'other' time spent tossing & turning!!! Going to bed is one thing, but falling asleep is more easily said than done.

@ Sleepy yet awake... What's going on here??? 0330, 12092007

Post home leaving syndrome

Still in the process of recovering from the post leaving home syndrome, A.K.A Sban depression. I may just blame the hormones playing around with my emotions, but deep down i know that it's my mind. Still haven got enough satisfaction after being at home for the past month...

In the slumps this time, lazing around, totally no brain activity noted, not in the mood for anything... Gosh, its time i find something that i like to do, than just waste my days away like that.

Weekends has been even more hectic... I spent the last 2 days in IKEA. Blindfold me & yet i still can bring you wherever you want to go!

IM JUST SO...

1. totally drained

2. sleepy yet having insomnia

3. depressed

4. hungry??? or bloated??? (my tummy can't even tell the difference!)

5. bored of life

6. incordinated!!! (daily tasks like using the fork & spoon is a challenge now!)


MY BRAIN IS ...

1. spinning as if im on a merry-go round

2. about the explode

3. in total SHUTDOWN mode!!!

Im like a clueless, aimless soul wondering around with no proper place called home, no proper, comfortable place to get a well deserved rest...

@ gonna HIDE IN the clouds before the next TBL... 1210, 10092007

Im just SO FREAKIN SICK OF......

1. staying in S'BAN!

2. being in sem 9! (5th out of 140 days)

3. getting nonsensical reports completed! (which are due next week)

4. going online AIMLESSLY!

5. having a busy schedule this weekend!

6. being 'insomnic' when i stay in sban!

7. whatever life im having now!!!

In conclusion, I just sick of EVERYONE, EVERYTHING & EVERYWHERE!!!

@ the verge of commiting suicide... ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!! 1031, 07092007

Back to REALITY...

After 5 consecutive weeks of staying back home... Lazing around doing nothing... ASTRO any time of the day/night... Out lepaking & catching up with new updates till wee hours... Absolutely no contact with the 'MEDICAL WORLD'... GOODBYE!!!

Back to what i chose to do for the rest of my life... Tomorrow starts as early as 0730!!! The last time i was up that early was almost A MONTH AGO. Im so dreading everything tomorrow. Just not in the MOOD for anything yet... The NEW groupings, NEW postings (anaes & radio), psychological adjustments with sban life once more, without the company of ted, no nagging by mum... Oh, I just miss home dearly!

It's time to buckle up & get on my feet once more. Really do wish that im not in SEM 9 soo SOON! Im not prepared... MENTALLY... Its going to be a BREEZE NO MORE. The serious work starts now, supposedly... BUT, WHAT THE HECK, i shall keep it for later days...

@ 2129, 02092007