Colic...

It feels like someone is pulling my guts out... Darn, it can be so bad that it just spoils my mood to do anything at that moment. All i can think of now is for it to go away. On and off, as though i can feel every inch of my gut moving, shearing its way inside me. The main question now is how long will it last??? I have no idea. Really regretted having the chicken rendang and chapati just now. Started with colic, continued with lavage, colic becoming worse by the second. What a life...



Overwhelmed by a dreaded feeling once it starts. All i can do is pray that it will go away once i enter dreamland. Hopefully it will not get me out of there quick enough to have another intresting visit to the throne. Multiple visits to the throne has been a norm to me for quite some time now. There were times when i only got out of bed just to go visit the throne, nothing else. It's just so physically and mentally draining. Physically because im loosing whatever that's suppose to be absorbed, mentally because i will be anticipating for the next visit...

Punctuality

"Better three hours too soon than a minute too late." - William Shakespeare

I just can't understand why consultants actually make their students wait, wait and wait for their arrival. There are a handful who are NEVER punctual. Just because we are the the lowest rung of the ladder of success, we are the one's to suffer all these consequences. If you know pretty well that you cannot make it, please say so. We do not mind if the class is postponed to another day, just don't make us wait. It so frustrating and time consuming, doing nothing, just stoning in the wards for 1 hour... Nevermind being late once, but not twice in within 3 hours!!! Nothing beats that record.

Anyway, today's sessions were all interupted by the person being late. It would have gone fairly smooth if i may say so. We still manage to get hold of the gist that we were suppose to catch and store it in a safe compartment in our brain. Rather hectic day, hopping from one to another, barely time to catch our breaths.

Lunch was relaxing, judging by all the laughters and sarcasm that was present in all the conversations. As usual, we would plan and plan for some holiday that all of us would really like to enjoy together, but based on all our records, all our plans never actually realised. What more can i say, we are spontaneous people. We cannot plan ahead. We do whatever our instinct and gut tells us, based on what we fell like doing at that moment. In my opinion this is very dangerous indeed, as it dosen't give us a path to follow in life, but above all that it's rather exciting, where it lightens and makes our lives more intresting to live by, as we do not know what is going to happen next.

Im really not looking foward to the travelling this weekend. No choice either when you have a dad who can barely keep his eyes open but still insists on driving. That's what is known as STUBBORN. I guess thats were i inherited the stubborn gene from. Nevermind the travelling, the worst is yet to come. Ortho is coming to an end this week; and the most boring, time wasting, nonsensical posting is coming up... FAMILY MEDICINE. The topic itself is not that bad, but the people there makes it like a dead subject, where you don't know how to spend your time while it passes by so slow. The morning clinic sessions are definitely going to officially be stoning sessions (especially when you can't even open your eyes when you get there), but hope that i actually learn something from the afternoon classes. Lets just wait and see what next week has in store for me.

Oh ya, there is something im really not looking foward to next week. It's where im going to drown in my own secretions... DAMN, why do i have to go through all this suffering. It's so unfair, but im DESPERATE for help! Pleeeeaaasse...... let all this come to an end, I have had enough. Im just praying hard that next week will be the last chapter on all my problems. I just want to enjoy life like every other normal person, able to enjoy what i do, what i eat, without restrictions.

Submissions...Datelines...

Here it comes again... Report & summary due after a week long of ortho posting. Sien...even the thought of typing it out is enough to kill. I seriously do not see the purpose of writing all these... What the hell for? To improve english? Maybe there will be a day that i will be thankful that i know how to write a report. I dunnoe. Lets just wait and see what the future has in store for me.

The main issue about doing this is the teadiousness and the concentration you put in to do it. It's so monotonous and basically just regurgitating out the history obtained. Can't life be more intresting than this?

I do not see the whole point of doing this. Why not just 1 report per sem? Instead of the few per posting? Isn't it all the same? The style of writing, the words we choose to use, even the headings are identical for all postings.

However, whatever that has to be done, has to be done. Just for the sake of completion and maybe to get the few extra points that will help me in my finals, i will just go do it.

Just another day...

I had the whole weekend to recharge, but did I? Duh, i have no idea. I just can't recollect what i did the whole weekend, other than sleep, EAT, procrastinate, and wasting ALL the so called 'precious time'. After a loooooooooooong week full of excitement, i really needed this deserved rest. I think i deserved it, but look who got it instead...

Today has been another day full of excitement. It started by meeting the people that i wanted to avoid. It's like the saying goes, the more you avoid someone, the more times you will meet that person. And it's TRUE. I experienced it once before, when i actually met 'my father' 3 times that day in 2 hours. It wasn't that bad actually, but most conversations were left 'hanging in the air', to be continued later this week. The day went on as usual, with the 'stoning' sessions in Count Olaf's classes. I was glad that he actually did not pick on me today, judging that my participation was close to NIL.

Then, a bombshell dropped from the sky. My car's engine has been experiencing 'oil incontinence' since god knows when, with frequent minor leaks, Of all days in the year, it decided to be fully incontinent TODAY. After a long day of classes, sleep was the only thing at the back of my mine. Thank goodness i it managed to crawl to the mechanic in 1 peice, or else i will have a useless car with a FRIED engine. It's going to cost me a bomb, but better now than later.

Life hasn't been treating me that badly the past week. There were times worse than that before. I guess that i shouldn't complain so much. These are the things that all of us face in life everyday, it's just that we cope with them differently...

Teachers...

"The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires. " - William Arthur Ward

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself." - Galielo Galilei

We are exposed to them from the day we are born. They are the people that teach us about EVERYTHING in life. These are the great souls that really make great impacts in our lives.

The are all sort of teaches, just like all sorts of people we meet in life. Some are just monotonous and nothing goes in your head, some shout and yell, some who just don't give a damn, some who breathe down your neck, not forgetting those who treat you like their very own children.

The one person that made an impact on me had made me what i am today. I'm so fortunate to meet her in my life, and our acquintance was by chance. I guess this is what people form the chinese community call 'kuai yan'. I was in form 4 when we first met, and she was actually my physics teacher. It was the time when my mind was so immature (not like its any better now), not knowing about the truth of the world I was stepping into after secondary school. I knew that i always wanted to do medicine since young, but i never knew why. I always used the excuse of wanting to help people (as everyone else), but deep down i knew it wasn't because of that. I just felt that it was a calling and I just had to do it. The best part was yet to come, I really hated BIOLOGY in secondary school... Those were the days that people would tell you that medicine is all about biology, and i totally FREAKED!!! How was i going to survive through this????

Done with secondary school, proceeded with A-Levels, still struggling with biology, always barely passing the subject. Then when it was time to apply to universities before completing A levels, I was lost. I wanted to do medicine, but deep down I knew that i really sucked in biology. I applied to do physics in the UK (6 uni's actually), all the same subject. Physics was always a subject that i loved and was reasonably o.k. at, but i knew that i did not want to do it for the rest of my life! And i tried my luck and applied to only ONE med school. I told myself if i did not get in this med school, i guess that im just fated not to study medicine.

I got offers from the UK uni's, as well as the med school. I was delighted to be accepted into med school, at the same time extremely worried. It was then she told me that medicine is not all about biology, it's more of physics and common sense. At that time i didn't believe her, but she actually told me that one day i would be a good doctor (i really do hope so as well). Coming from a family of doctors, she warned me that my first few years would be hell (after knowing me so well), but i will gradually come to enjoy it. And true enough, I failed my sem 1 finals...

I really struggled through sem 1. It was hell. I'm not the type of person that can sit down for hours memorizing facts! I'm the problem solving type, the kind that need to work on equations or any other things out! There were times that i wanted to give up, but what made me go on was the goal of becoming a ***DOCTOR*** .

Currently im in my clinical years of med school, I finally see the big picture. I now strongly agree that it's not all facts, but more of brains and common sense! Of course you need a good foundation and get your facts right, but the real world isn't just what you know, it's who you are. It is true that medicine is not all biology, it's physics as well. That's the real part that i enjoy most! Anyway, I still suck at anatomy, but im still struggling through it.

I really need to thank this person that made the impct in my life. Those were the times that i really had no idea what i was getting myself into, but you had the confidence in me that i will make it through. Hopefully, as you said, i would be a good doctor one day. But thanks to you, now i'm really having the time of my life, enjoying everything that i do, every person that i meet, cherishing every momment in life...

Denial, denial, denial :-<

DENIAL... the refusal to acknowledge an uacceptable truth or emotion. It is one of the most common and strongest emotions that we face every day. It's a normal defensive mechanism, but i think that it has brought me more harm than good in these past few years...

It is a state that you would do anything, i mean ANYTHING to be 'rid' of the situation. Anything that will get one's mind off the truth, Anything that would just comfort and passify oneself, Anything that would do to avoid the situation. Anything comes in handy... a good movie, a great meal, new clothes, or just simply blogging.

I'm glad that i finally found a way to 'unleash'. Today is another one of those days that i just don't feel like doing anything, just sit back and enjoy the ride of life. But, almost 90% of the time im in denial. I just cant get myself to solve my problems... They have been piling up one after another, it's not that i don't want to solve them, it's just that i still can't accept them. The best part it i already have the solutions with me. It's just that i don't have to guts to take the steps to go ahead. Call me chicken, i totally agree.

Sleep debt...

Within the last 24 hours, i finally got to repay my sleep debt. From midnight till 0730, then stonned in Dr CK's case presentation, came home, continued sleeping from 0945 till 1200. Wow, after almost a lifetime of interrupted, disturbed sleep i finally got to pay back the debt. Looks like now i won't be sleeping for the next few nights at least...

Today i finally learnt that getting a good night's sleep is a luxury, something that you should not trade for anything else in this world. After sleepless nights for the past few weeks, i finally felt refreshed after waking up for once. It was just so good that i just felt that i could do anything i wanted. It just gave me the appetite to indulge in a GREAT meal.

Dinner was exceptional today. I had cheese coated fried chicken wings, and a fish sandwich. It was delicious... My good mood was spoilt by the usual "coming out the usual way" problem. I think i better get it sorted out soon... It's begining to bother me too much and affecting my lifestyle. Maybe nobody sees it on the outside, but actually on the inside im crying my lungs out for HELP!!! After all the professional's i've seen (Head of surgeons, Agong's dr), looks like till now nobody can help me. My last hope is mahatir's dr, and hope that she can sort this problem out soon. It's really killing me slowly from the inside...

In addition to this problems, others just seem to sprout out like daisy's in spring. One after the other, i'm such a medical mess. Up also got problem, now down under is coming out with it's own. I'm just fustrated, fed up, I have had enough. Why dosen't it just stop? What have i ever done to deserve this? Now, i gotta to see someone else to sort out this new problem that im having, and it's really 'memalufying'.

Enough with my problems, i think i should just lay back and start enjoying life. How long more do we all have to live? One will never know till the day one dies and realizes that it's too late. It's always when you are at the verge of dying that you realize that you have not had a life that you always wanted, a life that you would like to live, a life full of excitement and satisfaction. I better start now before it's too late. I do not want to be one of those that will regret one day, but those that can proudly say that i lived a life that i wanted to, full of enjoyment and with no regrets.

So, live life to the fullest! Just sit back and enjoy the ride...

Count Olaf

No wonder the kids in Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Event were avoiding him... Now I truly understand their feelings. After a spending a long day with an exact replica of Count Olaf (with the exception that he is kind), it's brain-draining. From TBL to bedside teaching to seminar... Wow, this dose is enough to cover for the whole week. Thank goodness that I'm only seeing you twice, which is today and the last time next monday. Other than being monotonous and boring, Prof S is actually a very nice guy. He teaches 'A LOT', it's just that the talks toooooooo slooooooow. It got on my nerves. Today i was the last to present my seminar topic, and i 'flew' through the entire presentation, and guess what was his comment? "Wow, it was so short & sweet." Was it a compliment or wat? But towards the end of the day, it looked like he sort of enjoyed teaching us, and he was really looking foward to see us again next monday. Note to self: remember to recharge my batteries this weekend.

Lunch was rather amusing, the fact that i actually ate a proper meal. But it all came out the wrong way as usual. Sometimes it just makes me think of getting one of those PIG (according to my roomate) tubes thingy. Wouldn't it make my life easier and more convenient? I still can have the pleasure of tasting, chewing and swallowing, in addition preventing the food coming the wrong way up! Or maybe i could just get a stoma attached to my stomach (no idea what it is called, and i think this would be the 1st ever made), so that all the food that goes in would just enter it, without even reversing. I guess that i'm just sick of this routine, day in, day out, in it goes, out it comes a while later.

A new week, a new posting... Gosh, im supposedly to enjoy this posting: ORTHOPAEDICS. Unfortunately, im not. Maybe it's that the sleep debt is just piling up, or maybe it's just the company. I dunnoe. Lucky me, I will be seeing my 'father', Dr N almost everyday next week, hope that will cheer me up.

Gotta go catch up with sleep debt now, coz, already anticipating INSOMNIA tonight!

Insomnia...

I just cannot sleep!!! Call it insomnia... Defined as habitual sleeplessness (mind u, this is from oxford dictionary). So, this is the first post that i up in my blog. It took me a while to contempelate into whether i should get a blog or not. Out of the boredoom i face everyday, i finally decided to go ahead.
I always have the thought that whatever happens at home, stays at home and vice versa. Gosh, since I left home 1 year ago, i've never had this feeling sooooooo bad as i missssss home sooooo much! Maybe it's just what i've gone through this weekend. I'm still unable to digest whatever news I've heard. I just had to lush out all my feelings tonite. Just had to find an outlet to whatever insane life that i'm going through now... in order for me to sail through the upcoming week.
Travelling...... Something i hate most. Especially when you are the driver. Knowing to drive is a blessing, but being a driver for others is another story. Sban-KL-Bidor-Ipoh-KL-Sban... that's where i'm been this weekend. The best is yet to come. At every stop, there was some sort of 'surprise' waiting for me......
Stepping into the house, even before i get to put by butt down, then comes the news. My dad told me that my grandmother (she has CCF) had to go for a scan. Was thinking, how bad can that be? Upon further questioning, it turned out to br OGDS. This opens to a sea endless questions. Why? What for? When? By Who? All i knew was that she had some stomach ache, which was relieved by food. And the dr actually put the thought into her head that she might have cancer. Come on, there are sooooooo many differentials, and you decided to tell the old lady that it's cancer? You are scaring the wits out of her. Imagine you are already worried about the procedure itself, with the additional worry that it's cancer... She's 88 years old for god's sake, and she has to go through the freakin thing. Give her a break! Even the thought of doing the OGDS is freaky, imagine u going through it! They shove a tube down your throat, while you are at the verge of drowning in your own secreations, barely able to breathe. It took some time to convince her to go do it, but it came with one condition... I had to accompany her that day! How bad can that be, right?
At least i could catch a 45 minute nap before driving to bidor that night. After a long, tiring week in sban, i really needed the recharge. Thank god journey was smooth all the way, 110km/hr at midnight, and the dogs slept their way through, thanks to my bro's fillet-o-fish aroma in the car! 'Konged' as soon as head touched the bed...
Voices calling my name was heard as early as 0730, come on, I still need more sleep! Wat breakfast? I DON'T EAT BREAKFAST! My presence there was a mere to satisfy my grandmother, all i had was a cup of milo ais, which lasted me till dinner. Continued the journey to ipoh after 'breakfast'. Spent the rest of the day doing nothing, just lazing around with ted.
Dinner was rather intresting that night. We had steamboat. But instaed of a pot of soup, it was a pot of porridge! We (my bro, cousin sis & I) argued bout how they managed to make the porridge so smooth. The classic was when someone suggested that it was cooked the usual way and then all put into a blender! Did some window shopping after dinner, went home empty handed as usual.
Later that night was told that my aunt found a lump in her breast. She has been dragging this problem for some time now, giving herself excuses that she is busy. Please, I beg you... Just go see a doc. It's always when you have a problem, you just want to run away from it, fearing the worst. The risk of cancer is there, since her grandmother passed away due to breat cancer, but you'll never know unless you go get it checked out.
Sleep that night was extremely poor. Ted couldn't sleep as well, up and down the bed umteen times. In addition of his claws on the wooden floor (4 horse power)... clicking away all night. Woke up early the next morning, followed mum to market. Finally left Ipoh at 1100, collapsed on the bed till 1700, then totally swarmed by the dreaded feeling...... It's time to go back to SEREMBAN......