Already 23... but...

With the mind of a 3 year old in the body of a 23 year old... What do you get???

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Oh dear me, im 23 today. It just makes me feel so OLD when i actually think about it. The past 22 years just flew by with a 'blink of an eye'... Feels as though i have not done a thing... But, guess what? I've gone through all the 'nomal' childhood milestones, losing my first tooth, riding my first bike, slogging through primary, secondary and now tertiary education (hang in there, im almost done!), first puppy love crushes...


Spent the last day of being 22 years old being a CLOWN. First time ever, and gosh, it was SUPERBLY FUN! I had a great time. It one of those things that i always wanted to do, but never had the guts to do it until i volunteered for it yesterday. The orang asli kids were cool (much much more fashionable than i definitely, although they all live in a place WITHOUT sewage facilities!). It's really a pity to see these hyperactive, energetic kids to be underweight and underheight by age, but then... it's what you see in a person as a whole that counts. Only make 2 kids cry (i think they thought they saw a ghost, but cheered up many many more!). For me, its the personal satisfaction that i got from the whole process.


Promise to update u all more on that trip when i get strymx 'back on the track'! It's taking centuries just to load up 1 pic with dial up!!!

@1043, 29072007

Snoozieland + pizzas + dramas + cartoons = HEAVENLY!!!

Well earned holiday if i may say so myself... That's all i did for the past 24 hours... Had my version of House MD marothon (the whole of season 3), now continuing with a simpsons marothon. Yet to finish my pizza from yesterday, slept like a baby this morning (right after dino left the house, of course!)... WOW, heavenly indeed!

Drove round whole of seremban town this evening, hunting for 'raw hide' bones for ted. Im never going to do that again! What a waste of time, YOU CAN NEVER FIND THIS ITEM ON SALE IN ALL THE SUPERMARKETS IN TOWN! The only thing that they sell in the whole freaking seremban town is 'FRISKIES' CAT FOOD! I finally ended up in jusco after the long hunt, and surprisingly the prices there were reasonable!

A long day ahead tomorrow... Paeds clinic in the morning (im just sooooo lazy to go), the drive home in the afternoon (praying hard that it will be as cloudy as today), dad's bday dinner at night (hope the dishes will be tantalizing)...

@ all geared up for more simpsons... 2154, 25072007

MISSING in 'action'

Wow, really had a superbly loooooooooong break after the last post. Was travelling most of the time, 'having the most tedious job of all, being the driver'...... My routine the last 2 weeks were mainly... KL-Seremban-KL-Ipoh-Bidor-Ipoh-KL- and now, back to Seremban, for the LAST 2 DAYS of my selective in Peads surgery!!! Hoorah, finally im done with this so called 'compulsory medical selective'!

It was not as bad as i expected it would be, maybe bcoz most of the people there already knew me, i was actually given really good treatment, compared to the other elective students, where they were left ALL ALONE!!! MUAHAHAHA, they were really surprised how we IMU students were doing SDL (self directed learning), where we were NOT TAUGHT ANYTHING unless we asked questions and did our own reading before going to the wards!

PADAN MUKA TO U ALL SPOON AND BOTTLE-FED PEOPLE OUT THERE!

WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!

For the next 4 weeks of elective, i would just sit back and relax (basically rot at home)... Enjoy EVERY SINGLE MOMENT at home... as if .... I totally have no idea how am I going to survive(Im going to bore myself to death! No internet, meaning NO ONLINE DRAMAS, NO BLOGGING, NO MSN, NO SURFING...) this!

The past 2 weeks have been a roller coster ride for me, when it comes to personal as well as family issues...

1. Spent another BOMB on 'ole trusty BEN' -- was really due to my carelessness this time, nobody else to blame EXCEPT for my INCORDINATED DRIVING!

2. Grandparents moving to a new house, unfolding 'dramas' along the way... Never knew that this was a really 'BIG' issue for them -- it's still on now, tune in to channel xxx

3. Food overload, thanks to granny...

COMPULSORY QID meals + snacks in between + NON-STOP supply of
durians, mangosteens and rambutans

= COMPLETE TOILET DISASTER!!!

4. Stupid gut turning inside out and decided to make it 'THE WORST' weekend EVER!

5. This particular PC that im using now, decided to 'kong out' this morning when i came back fr sban... But RESURECTED FROM THE DEAD (on its own) after lunch!!! Thank goodness!!!

Although totally drained (which i have no idea how am i going to repay my sleep debt...), I still learnt a thing or 2 through this 'journey of life'...

1. Not EVERONE & EVERYTHING in life can be taken for granted... People may show their 'worst true colours' at the unexpected moments... But, i would let this whole issue go, as the causative factor is unavoidable unless treated surgically.

2. SHARING -- a quality that is practised among the simplest folk around... Imagine, even a pack of biscuits (which contains only 10 bite-size pieces by the way), can be passed around and shared among 2 families, which have no blood ties...

3. It is the POOR & simple minded people that actually make your day. It's such a different world out there when you really meet and talk to these people. Not the like ARROGANT, BACK STABBING, and KIASU idiots that i see everyday back home...

Much much more to blog about, but im getting lazy... Maybe next time...

@ Spent RM29.20 on 1 regular & 1 large pizza on myself, which will be my meals for the next 3 days!

1732, 24072007

Friends...

The BEST of friends is hard to come by. But once you get your click, it stays forever... Was just chatting with my 3 best friends earlier, as im typing entry this another 1 of my BEST FRIEND just signed in. Though we knew each other since 13y/o, it was not till we left secondary school that our friendship began to grow. We then realized the importance of each others company, would tresure every moment we met. Taking things for granted during those days, looking back now, how we enjoyd each others company.

Now, we are currently on our own paths to success. One in customer service, a 'jobless' chemist, an architect in the making, and I... (not a bad combination eh?)

Another BEST FRIEND that i mention earlier, is currently THE WORLDS MOST DEDICATED PIANO TEACHER. Trust me, she cant replace any other dedicated teacher in this world!

Then, there are more friends... My lovely housemates, squash pals, old primary & secondary school friends (that i do not keep in touch with...)

This selective, i met another 2 friends... Both from sban, one studying in Rusia, the other in Ireland. The 3 of us attended the upper GI conference this morning, sitting in a row, enjoying each other's company, when a surgeon turned back, and ask us where we were from. We intoduced ourselves and guess what? He said that we were a very good combination. 3 from different races, diff backgrounds, diff universities, the only thing we have in common is that we are all 4th yr med students!

These are the people in my life that keeps me going everyday. They light up my life when im down in the dumps, they are the shoulders that i cry on, they are the kind souls that are willing to hear all my ramblings...

A ZILLION THANKS to you all out there!!!

@ 2301, 10072007

CRAZY life...

It's really driving me nuts the way im surviving everyday... Lavages after meals, continous abd cramps... DUH!!! It's CRAZY!!!

I'm getting sick & tired of this 'CRAZY' lifestyle that i go through everyday. And guess what? I've gotten ALL the help i can get, & NOBODY out there can offer me anymore help! I been from the best to the best of doctors, & they are just as baffaled as i am. DARN! How am i suppose to go on living like that?

This 'GILA' condition of mine, no diagnosis, all the investigations back normal... Soon enough i will end up in the lunatic asylum!

I've had ENOUGH of all these nonsence! Why can't i just lead a NORMAL life like everyone else? Why can't i just be 'PAIN FREE' for a day? Why can't my lavages just stop for 1 day? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Now, even the thought of seeking help does not even cross my mind. Sometimes its just so bad that i pray that some kind soul would 'KILL ME' ! I can't be dependent on drugs for the rest of my life to control the symptoms... I have to find the underlying cause & get help for it...

@ Oh, help me!...... 1641, 09072007

New Record!!!

It's just 0820 in the morning, & guess what? Im at home blogging. MUAHAHAHAHA! Post ward rounds actually (from 0730 till 0800), lazy to go to the OT, so, made my way back to pack. Will be leaving to KL soon in a short while, just couldn't resists the keyboard for one last time before the long weekend... (some may call it a blog addiction, & i totally admit that I HAVE IT. Anyone with a cure out there?)

@ Contented with life for the time being... 0822, 06072007

Joyous mood...

Most probably thanx to the sleep debt that has been paid. Repaid the debt after ward rounds this morning, till 2pm, and guess what???? IT'S FINALLY THURSDAY!!! The week is finally coming to an END! Super yippie... IM GOING HOME TOMORROW.

Finally made my decision to be a 'clown for a day' on the 28th July, in conjuction with the IMU trip to the orang asli village. Got the SRC to sponsor the costume and stuff, HECK, Why not give it a shot? Better brush up on my 'clowning' skills this coming 2 week (that's how i survive everyday, being a clown!).

@Spirits lifted, long planned weekend ahead... HERE I COME!!! 1844, 05072007

For the 'BETTER' or 'WORSE'

Scenario 1:

A 60+ y/o man, came to the clinic on monday morning, with the complaints of dysphagia & LOW for few weeks duration. He was referred from hospital P, has done a CT & brought it along. When the surgeon reviewed it, he was stunned as the pt has Stage III - IV carcinoma at the gastro-oesophageal junction. The surgeon then told the patient that he needed to do a scope to get a biopsy of the tissue to confirm his diagnosis. Then, when the patient went out, the surgeon informed his family members that he had end stage cancer.

Where's the ethics behind all these? The patient doesn't even know the truth! Nevermind that, when he came for his scope yesterday, he was still walking around like everyone else, and walked out of the room. He was told to be admitted, to insert a 'Jejunal Feeding Tube', as he was really emaciated. Upon admission, he collapsed and passed away early this morning due to aspiration and acidosis...

Now, the family members are making a 'BIG HOO HAA' over the whole issue. (That they were not informed that he was going to die soon, bla bla bla..) They just can't accept the fact that this man has passed on. But, has anyone thought how he felt and his opinion throughout the whole process? If he really wanted to know what was wrong with himself in the 1st place?Not knowing the truth (even upon his death bed)? Not knowing that that he himself had end stage cancer? I guess now it dosen't really matter to him as i pray that he is in a better place.

Scenario 2:

A 60+ y/o man, came in with the complain of yellow discolouration of his eyes for 1 week duration. He has a past history of colorectal carcinoma, operated in 1999, completed chemo and radiotherapies, has been cancer free since.

After almost 9 years leading a GREAT life, now, he comes back with recurrence on cancer, with metastasis to the liver...

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Hospitals... Is it a place where healing & recovery is supposed to take place? Or just a place that brings you closer to your death bed? Good & evil, better & worse, 'ying' & 'yang', everything in life there sure will be an agonist & not forgetting the antagonist to it...

So, would you like to get treated and admitted if you were sick? Would you seek medical help in the 1st place if you knew that you had a disease that has no cure? Would you put your life in another human being's hands hoping that they can play god to 'cure' you?

For me, if i really knew that i was going to die, the hospital would be the last place that i'll go. I would want to spent the remaining time in my life with my love ones, so that there will not be any regret by anyone in the future. I would accomplish whatever i wanted to before i leave this realm, rather than sitting on the 'death bed', waiting to die!

Is it too late??? NO, it's NEVER TOO LATE!!! No matter however late it is, something can still be done. Why not let the man leave in peace, rather than all the bickering, arguments and blamings going on and on and on???

@Just my opinion... 0930, 05072007

Post morning rounds... Gut turning insude out, continously 'killing' every second...

BOMBSHELL!!!

Im gonna drop the bombshell on my parents tonight. Gonna ask them if i can go to Hanoi (Vietnam) to do my elective. Actually it was my tutor who dropped the bombshell on me 1st... Earlier just now in OPD clinic...

Me : Good afternoon Mr N, Im having a problem with my upcoming elective. You see... Blah, blah blah...

Mr N : Alrite then. Why not do ortho with me here in Sban?

Me : HAR??? (Was thinking : OMG, im already in sban doin surgery for 4 weeks, takkan stay here another month? I'll DIE OF BOREDOM soon!)

Mr N : Or, maybe it's a good idea you go see how hospitals in other parts of the world manage patients... Pakistan??? Vietnam??? I've contacts there, accomodation and all can be arranged, no problem, just let me know if you are intrested... Blah, blah, blah, blah...

WOW. Never in my life i've met such a helpful tutor. He practically offered to settle EVERY SINGLE THING for me. Am i the luckiest person alive or what? All i have to do now is get my parents permission (which is the hardest part of ALL)...

So, should i take up the offer to go to vietnam? Or not?

@ Confused... 1548, 04072007

I SHALL BE your successor...

Standing bout 6 feet tall, lanky, fit, greying hair, not forgetting the 'amat bergaya' pose... All he did was stand there at the end of the bed, and pin-drop silence assumed, everyone looking at his direction, waiting for the words to come out from his mouth... That's how GREAT this man is. And one day, I shall walk up to him and let him know that i SHALL BE his next successor...

I had a chance to stand next to him in the scope room this morning, and it was my 'lucky' day that he decided to drop by. Just the 'aura' that he carries with him when he enters the room is enough to tumble you over your feet, you can 'feel' his presence when he stands behind you without even turning to look behind, it's THAT GREAT, trust me.

This man is 'the best of the best' in this country, an extremely respectable surgeon, And should you see him with his dark blue backpack slinged over his shoulder in the mornings when he gets out from his volvo in the carpark. Oh, you would just stand there and 'drool'...

Enough said.

@ Lunch break = nap time... 1217, 04072007

'Loh mai kai' & 'Wo Tau Koh'

'Loh Mai Kai' a.k.a glutinous rice

'Woo Tau Koh' a.k.a. Yam cake

Oh yummy. That's what i've been indulging for dinner the past 2 nights. Downed it with icy cold water... Ohhhhhhhhh... Just refreshing...

Give me 1/2 an hour to savour the satiety, then it'll ALL be washed out from my GIT. It's crazy to live like that. But, at least i get to pamper my taste buds with all these 'mouth-watering' delicacies...

Feeling rather down today, most probably due to this so called 'prolonged', 'intermittent' fever i've been having. It's been on & off, for almost a 1 1/2 weeks now. Surviving on PCM, hoping that it'll get shrugged away. When it's not there, im perfectly alright. But, when it comes (usually at nights and early mornings), im just so light-headed till i cant sit up straight. Shall wait till the end of this week and see how it goes, if it still persists, maybe i should then get 'professional' help, and really do hope that this time i won't be labelled as a 'drug addict'...

Ward rounds this week has been rather disappointing so far, hardly learnt a thing in all the rounds. Patients there mainly having GCS of 10/15, most of them in snoozieland thanks to the analgesics given! Going to end up in the scope room once more with Mr R tomorrow morning, anticipating to see plenty of Ca of oesophagus, Ca of stomach and the usual peptic ulcer diseases (that's Mr R's 'forte'). Hopes that he starts and ends early, as i think he has almost 20 patients to scope. He takes about 10 mins to scope a patient, by doing the math, 20 pts will take 200 mins. So if he starts at 0900, based on calculations he should be done by 1230, lets just hope so...

@ gonna puke once more... GOSH... 2122, 03072007

DEVASTATED!!!

Im DOOMED!!! I have no idea how am i going to survive through the next 6 months in SEM 9! The grouping lists came out today, and VIOLA... All my housemates and i are in TOTALLY DIFFERENT groups. Meaning that we will be in different postings, meaning no sessions together at all, meaning... SHEER BOREDOM!!!

Not only that, Im in the 'smart alec' group! Im surrounded by 'brainiacs'... Oh S**T! Most of the people there are KIASU betul gang, except me of course! Im not the NERDY, GENIUS kinda person, OMG, how am i going to stay alive with them??? Most probably i shall be labelled the 'Biggest DOINK of all' among the group. Nevermind that, what im worried now is that i cant catch up... Coz things will be going at 'bullet train' pace from now on!

Im just so 'screwed'... I really have no idea how am i going to survive through the 6 months... I hope that i do not turn 'psycho' by the end of it. (that time i really gotta pay Dr X a visit!!!) What's making things worse is that end of semester exams are up again once more, and it's in FEB 2008.

It's all fated, i just gotta stick to the plan laid out for me. Just gotta make the best out of things... It's not like i have a choice or something like that, but in life, you do not always get things your ways. Gotta give and take... All i can do now is just 'HANG IN THERE!!!'

@Just not in a mood to do anything other than snacking... 2202, 02072007

Aching legs... DARN!!!

Been standing since 0730 this morning! Oh gosh, im so damn tired, especially my ACHING LEGS!!! Still have to attend the mortality meeting at 1400, then follow the afternoon rounds...

All my hard work was washed down the drain this morning. I learnt ABSOLUTELY NOTHING from rounds this morning... Dato K only turned up for 5 mins, and the docs in this ward are rather less friendly. Maybe it's the begining of the week, where everyone is going through the 'monday blues'... Just gotta hope that it improves during this afternoon rounds.

Spent the rest of my morning in clinic with Mr R (upper gastro surgeon). Saw mainly cases of PUD, oesophageal diseases, gall stones, and also hernias. Was rather amused when a malay gentleman in this 40's came in due to a hernia, but he went out with an OGDS appointment instead! This is what Mr R meant by 'buy 1 get 1 free'! A wide variety of cases seen, as well as people with all sorts of personalities. There were friendly ones, impatient ones and i'll never forget the 'super long winded' aunty that came in and went on non-stop for almost 45 mins about all her other problems...

@ exhausted... 1303, 02072007

Trans-form-ers...

This is a movie that is worth watching. It has been a quite a loooooong time since i watched a movie with my bro (i think the last was Harry Potter 4), and i decided to take him for a treat yesterday (it was more of that i wanted to watch it sooooo badly). Spent RM11 each on the tickets, but trust me, it was really WORTH THE MONEY!!! Much much better than i expected it to be, although it was quite boring in the 1st half an hour...

For me, these robots were my childhood heroes. I still remember that i actually owned one of them. Im more on the 'tom-boyish' side (i spent most of my childhood growing up with my 3 elder cousin bros and i was the only girl).

These are a few childhood facts about me...

1. I NEVER OWNED a 'barbie doll' in my ENTIRE LIFE

2. I grew up playing 'LEGO' (thanks to my engineer dad who i think wished for me to follow his footsteps but sadly i did not)

3. I owned my 1st bike when i was 3 (it was medium sized & i could hardly reach the pedals!)

4. I learnt by ABC's and 123's from watching 'sesame street' (and i still do enjoy watching it till now)

5. My childhood heroes were... Ninja turtles, The Transformers, Donald Duck & The Smurfs

6. I used to go fishing in the monsoon drain with my cousin bros when i was 5

7. I hate to wear dresses and blouses (till now), and i only wear them on 'rare & special' occassions

@ Post covering wards... (thanks to Dato' K)... 2252, 01072007