Post sem 9 exams, life is even tougher now. I wondered how i made it though alive. The best part was, when the results came out, i did not jump with joy. Not a single cell in my body was happy that i made it through. At that time, the only thought i had was that i could not go through it again in 6 months time. I do not know what is my next step. Im at the verge of breaking down soon. I can't handle anymore stress... Im at the verge of EXTINCTION!!!
Crossroads... Should i defer for an entire semester? Or should i just go on with this journey as it's already the last 6 months of my path to the MBBS degree...
I can't decide. I can't make up my mind. The thoughts of deferment came into my mind even before i sat for my OSCE's last week. I just felt that i could not take it anymore. At times, i just sat down & cried. Not that i studied for this sem 9 exams, i was totally unprepared when i went to sit for it. I've lost it i tell you. I've not been eating right, sleeping right, studying right, even behaving right this past 6 months. I just don't know WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!
To defer is an option for me. Im not bothered if my friends graduate 6 months ahead, start working earlier. To the extend that i don't even care about the rm 30,000 anymore. I feel that i really need a break from all the crazziness this time.I can't take it anymore. All im worried now is about myself. With all the ++ issues that comes with the package. Facing my parents as starters. How on earth am i going to tell them that i would like to defer? They'll think that i've gone nutters. My mum will definitely send me to a shrink. My dad would just collapse due to a MI. Then the issue of house rental in BP, all the arrangements has been made. It's too late to say 'no' now. Some parties would hunt me down & kill me, which indirectly would make my life a better, brighter one!
Chatted with my best friend this morning. She, being encouraging, is just so sweet. Really a zillion thenks for hearing me out. I guess you are the only soul out there that really understands how i feel right this moment. I've already made up my mind, it's just when is the perfect timing to execute the plans now. I don't think that the people around be are able to accept my decisions, but, what the &*@#! I don't give a damn anymore. For once, i shall be selfish and just think about myself!
@ 1033, 25022008, i really need help...
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