Farewell...

At least this time round i had my chance of saying a 'proper' goodbye. Farewell i bid you, my friend. You were my company when i was alone, along with the 3 hour drive down south, someone there which kept me sane all this time when i was going nuts...

Never forget the day you came to live with us, when i picked you up from the cage in the petshop, you were hardly bigger than my little finger, squirmish, just wiggled your way through my fingers into the cage. How could i ever forget the look on bro's face when you were his 'early' chrismas present Never knew that you were the rodent with 1 missing hindfoot, a congenital abnormality i guess. Nevertheless, it was still a functional limb, where you would work out everynight without fail in your 'glow in the dark' wheel.

I pray that you would have a better life after this, and hope that you did enjoy this life being our pet rodent... SQUEAKS... may you rest in peace.

@ 2019, 27102008, this post is 3 days late...

Saying goodbyes...

How do you ever say goodbye to someone that you really love and treasure so much? It ain't easy, yet, when the time comes, it has to be done. Gosh, it's a 2 to 3 yearly affair, when its time to say goodbye, i'll swear that i'll not get another. But once the bereavement period is over, when everything is back to normal, there i'll go again, only to repeat the act, knowing pretty well that i'll have to say my goodbyes some time soon.

Im just 'crushed' now. Thus already with a MBBS degree, yet i still can't cure illnesses or alleviate pain and suffering. I feel so useless. What on earth am i going to do with a 'rodent' with PR bleeding, who is anaemic and dehydrated? Im such an idoit. Should i practice euthanasia or let it be? Im staring at my pet hopelessly. The only thing that i can do now is pray for the best -- i.e. get well soon or go ahead and die??? Even that i can't decide...

Attachment is a CURSE! Pulls me into DEEP SHIT yet i can't pull myself out of it. Again and again, i remind myself, no way am i going to be attached. In the end of the day, im just a total failure...

@ 1329, 22102008, thump thump, thump... KILL ME!!!

The NeVeReNdInG chase...

RATS!!!

That's exactly what we are, or what i am for that matter. Everyday in our lives, we chase, with the intention of getting the best selection of cheese as fast as possible. Im stuck in a live where the chase has already begun, currently at a halt now, which is to be continued. Honestly, part of me is 'sick and tired' of this whole race, yet the other half still has had NOT ENOUGH of it! At times like these, it makes me wonder, which is the half that's controlling my decisions and actions???

It is as if i've registered myself to join the NEVERENDING CHASE. Life goes by although you spend your days rotting at home, doing nothing other than... But... can't you see? There's sure a but in no matter what situation. Back to the point, But... I've always wondered where would i be in 6 months time. Where did i finally land myself at. What would i be doing then... These questions have crossed my mind a million times, yet, i can never get an answer, which i only would get it like 6 months from now.

I don't know what im up to these days. Guess the super-duperly loooong break that i really wanted before has gotten the 'best & worst' out of me. Yet, im still in my usual physical state... Gurgling gut, time-bomb head, niagara nose... Still in denial, as most of you would call it. Guess that im human after all, the typical type of patient who waits for a disaster to happen before accepting the truth. Too bad, as the saying goes... 'doctors ARE the worst patients'.

Back to my nocturnal cycles, daytime snoozieland. Just 2 hours of sleep is considered 'heaven' nowadays. It's that bad till i can't sleep continously for more than 2 hours before waking up with a throbbing head. The more i think of it, the more it FREAKS ME OUT!

@ 0028, 21102008, lack of sleep, yet insomnic...

Back on track...

See??? I managed to survive a non-blogging period for more than a month! Haha, mainly due to the 'lousiest internet connection' that one can get in my area. You'll be surprised why i said so, judging by where i live. Its not the connection that sucks, its because i get it for FREE!

So, how has life been the past 1 month? AS USUAL... Still surviving the usual colics and migranes. Staying alive by pumping in the concoxions. Don't start lecturing me just yet. Even the best ever dr that i can get my hands on has given up altogether.I've been to yet another dr, for the headaches this time... Changed the prophylactic drugs, im up to 5 cafergots per week, with cataflam in between. Yet, these headaches still drive me up the wall. Thank god that work is not starting anytime soon, coz i did not even apply for a job yet! Lets see how things go, on this side of the world...

Had an eye-opening experience recently. I still remember vividly those days where a conversation like this would take place...

'We are having CP later this morning...'

'What CP? All of you have cerebral palsy?'

That would be a retort by one of the greatest surgeons those days. He's never into abbrevations, always wanted us to speak and write in full words. But, after what i saw the other day, it ain't that bad having CP. Definitely not those that we see in the paeds wards all the time. Maybe they are a handful of problems when they are young, when they grow up, they seem to just function like all of us. Never underestimate a kid with CP. They are just like you and me, joking, giggling, teasing their counterparts. Behaviour wise, we are alike. It's just that they lack in motor skills, where most of them are wheelchair bound, yet, we can see them achiving in life. Its a shame to see beggars who are physically and mentally fit, begging on the streets. These kids actually showed me that with sheer determination, anything is possible. KUDOS to them all!

Can't wait to see those kids once more next week. Have the rest of this week all planned though, being mum's chauffer down KL this afternoon, stuck in library tomorrow, bro's bday this friday, loaded during the weekend... I guess that's what life is about these days, less being like those of a roller coaster which i used to have...

@ 08102008, 1039, life is indeed as beautiful as you make it...