Clinicians vs academicians

It was only not long ago that i started to appreciate the work of clinicians. All the sessions with them, in the end of the day, it all boils down to 'how u think'. That simple! Had 2 rather intuiging session today, procrastinating through this morning's.

Was having a discussion session about ectopic pregnancies and all, when i came out with this 'enlightening idea'. I actualy blurted out:

'Can we take the fertilised egg from the tubes and implant it into the uterus?'

The respond given... 'where did you hear that story from?'

'Aaaaa, it was just an idea...'

'Common, im sure you heard it from somewhere before. I never knew that 'this news' was ever exposed to public before.'

She then told us the entire story whatever that happened in the medical field, that it was proven that it was 'imagined', and that his mind was of a madman.

A. turned to me and said 'OMG, you have a mind of ...'

'This is the result of LACK OF SLEEP!' I need to sleep, BADLY...

I shall not repeat myself but i can't help it, that I DO HATE O&G. It's just that i don't enjoy this posting a bit. I feel that it is a waste of time to 'go & stone' so early in the morning. I do not mind if i have something productive to do, but then... WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO THERE other than STAND at the bedside STONING? It's rude to stand in front of a patient for so long not talking to her, it's rude to sit the the specially allocated sofa's in the wards, it's rude to sit on the patient's chair next to her bed not talking to her, it's rude to 'hog' the nurse station or pantry... So, WHERE THE HELL are we supposed to be? Theoretically, OUT OF EVERYONE's WAY!

At times, i just do not get the system of wasting time. It goes on EVERY SINGLE MORNING. At least the late morning and afternoon sessions are rather beneficial. Today, we learnt how to put the pieces of a complex puzzle together, ensuring that there is a myriad possibilities to a achieve a diagnosis, and that medicine was NOT THAT STRAIGHTFOWARD at times after all.

A sigh of relief that it's finally friday tomorrow, AND IM GOING HOME! Superly duperly YAY! I need the break. Still half way through my 2nd portfolio, which the datelines happens to be delayed till monday. I've got all the info i need, im just so so lazy right now to put it into words. Gosh, it's 0422 and my cravings for hot milo and mamak goreng starts right now...

@ 0423, 30052008, end of the month... So soon???

Luck... Good or bad???

No idea how to put it. Post call today, went to wards at 0730. Walked in, 6 beds full. Ironic thing was that the patients that i had yesterday we all apparently 'transferred' to someone elses beds! I had a whole set of 'fresh' cases, ironically again all with GDM! Was just complaining to someone the other day that i never clerked a case of GDM, and viola, ALL 6 beds had GDM, on the same morning.

Did my rounds with 'super speed'. Hoping that prof N would not show up so early. That lady decided to come in at 0900, did her 'quick' rounds with the HO's and MO's, then with us. Of all cases... SHE PICKED MY BED!!! OMG! I freaked. My history was super duperly summarised, PE just a touch and go. Anyhow, i still presented. Honestly speaking, she was really nice. I've learnt tonnes from her (coz im the lazy kind who do not read up on anyting in O&G for that matter). So far im still not in trouble with her, hoping of staying away of it anyhow. She's dedicated to teach, which i can say for sure, open to questions anytime. It's more of application of what we already know, and how to put it into the context of each individual patient. At least i can't say that her sessions aren't beneficial...

Went for the 'extreme' tom yum for lunch, then post-call snoozieland in the afternoon. My instincts were right, i had a session with Dr K after Dr L's class! The best part is that i only knew it AFTER the session at 1730, only to receive a message... "Sorry not to tell you earlier that we had a session with DrK after the Kg angkat meeting. Anyway all the post call ppl did not show up, he din't ask. If he asks u tomolo pls tell him u r post call." HOW IRONIC! I almost fell off my bed when i read that text! Honestly speaking, if i knew about the session, i would not have gone. Im still so 'zonked' out at this moment...

@ 2158, 28052008...

Gila-kah???

Try doing 2 overnight calls in 4 days... 1 call every alternate day... Gosh... My feet are killing me. At least i had stuff to do tonight. Busy from 8pm till 1am, when things were just about to settle down... There the show starts again, picking up at 4am! Conducted 2 deliveries tonight, theoretically i've completed my quota of 5, practically only 4, coz my first ever, i was just an assistant (yet to get the signature for that from dr F), still 3 more calls to go, that can wait...

Finally today was not a day for primids to come in. My first was a para 2, second a PARA 9! Super-grand-multi-para! My gosh, the baby just 'poped out' after i did the VE! The baby girl was so so cute, all the staff nurses fell in love with her, even volunteered to adopt her. Nevertheless, the mum mentioned that some aunt of hers already 'booked' the child!

IM so dreading tomorrow. Someone is back after 1 1/2 weeks of leave, which means we would definitely have a session with him in the afternoon. Darn! Im post call, i don't think i'll show up anyway. For once i can say that im starting to enjoy this posting, with Prof N's sessions and all. She's sort of a nice lady, but, if she has other intentions behind our back, that's another story. Looong day tomorrow, be in the wards by 0730, stone there till 1145, the back to imu for a session with prof N, session with dr L, then ...

@ 0617, 28052008... Another long day... Why are my nights so short???

Post...

Postcall... PostVC... Post-portfolio submission... Post-functioning in DS... PostCFCS...

Finally my 'superly-duperly' looooong week came to an end. Im just drained yet i can't fall asleep, im so tired till im nauseous most of the time, my migrane would be coming back anytime soon, feet killing, the stupid 'waterwerks' dysfunctioning again...

Im just full of complaints. List them out one by one and it'll never end. Just taking things at a time now. I NEED A BREAK! INDEED, THIS VERY MOMENT! Catching a movie later with KY, do hope that it would be a good one. We shall see what GSC in BP has in store for us.

Honestly, im deteriorating. Physically, functionally, psychologically, neurologically... EVERY-SYSTEM-cally... Or maybe it's known as ageing? Haha, don't dream. Nothing just happens overnight. It's time to go seek help, from my other half (if you ever understand what i mean). Seeking help from the other realm, which i actually do not believe in it the first place. Not that i do not believe in it's existance, but if it would be of any help at all! Maybe it's time to go seek 'professional' help? From those people which i happen to 'mingle' with on a daily basis? There are so many choices, which makes it even tougher to decide. Guess what? In the end of the day... I, as usual, would decide NOT to do anything about it, let it pass as if it never happened, only to haunt me once again when i flares up. Im so sick of it 'flaring up' whenever it likes to... Shouldn't it be my choice of when it should instead? WAIT & SEE POLICY? Don't worry, i won't 'DIE' so easily...

@ 1809, 26052008, just had to pass the time... DOING NOTHING, OF COURSE...

4 more to go...

Finally completed 1 in an 11 hour marathon. My butt hurts after having sitting down for so so long! It's crap doing on a topic that you hardly get the gist of it, furthermore it's on the subject that i hate most. At least its done for now...

Another to go for next week. Oncall once more tonight. I don't think i've recouperated enough since the last call, coz since then i've not been sleeping at night. Sleeping by day, how am i ever going to survive the entire next week? I'll be in prof N's ward, where we 'really' gotta cover all our beds, and she does her rounds every day! Oh gosh, there goes my opportunity of taking a break after being an entire week in the labour suite!

Im just drained for now. With the exams coming up pretty soon, yet to get the facts pumped into the thick skull of mine, time is running out!!!

@ 1426, 25052008, post portfolio marathon...

Primid's...

There's something going on with me and primid's. More of kiling two birds with one stone. Conducted an SVD in the morning, assisted in LSCS at night. Ironically, both were primid's. My feet are just killing me right now. Though totaly drained out, i can't seem to fall asleep. Im feeling as if now im the 'primid' going for a viva in 2 1/2 hrs time, and i know nuts about my patient. I just feel that this past 2 years went down the drain just like that. Not worth all the visits we paid him, all the effort we got him to see the doctor...

Been asking around how CFCS has been like, these are the responses:

1. Oh, it's just for formality purposes.
2. It's the first taste of how your exit viva would be like.
3. Everyone will surely pass, don't worry.
4. Everyone that went in Dr ??? room was giggling their way through.
5. Common, it's already pre-marked and pre-graded.
6. Nah, it's nothing la.

How i wish if it were that simple. My neurons sort of shut down almost 12 hours ago. It's all tangled up in a big mess. I can't even walk a straight line now. If i collapse on the bed, im sure to sleep throught the entire CFCS exam. I can't aforrd to take the risk. After all the effort i put in the past 2 years, it all boils down to this day...

@ 0558, 23052008, i better not be mumbling nonsense later...

Bundle of joy...

More of trouble, thorn sticking onto your flesh kind of thing. It's just day 2 of O&G, and IM REALLY SICK OF IT! I hate the whole routine of going to the labour room wee hours of the morning, hanging around like an idiot not doing a thing, then attending classes which i surely doze off in the afternoon, the not-so-looking-foward-to overnight call tomorrow, the stupid portfolios once again when i've yet to get a case...

The joy in the parents eyes when their child is born... An event in life too miraculous to be put into words. So far things have been going pretty well around the labour room these past 2 days, all SVD's (which includes abdominal CPR practically on every case) have been smooth. Most of the nurses there have been nice to us, including the doctors. Maybe im yet to meet the 'nasty' one that everyone is talking about.

I just hate this posting. I guess its just not my forte. Although the miracle of life and all, i don't seem to appreciate it all. Maybe im just drained out after the holidays. Im tired all the time, insomnic at night (hardly slept the past 2 nights, early awakenings, tossing and turning in bed...)!

@ 1332, 21052008, i just want all of these to end soon...

Another 10 weeks...

Welcome back to HELL!!! Stuck in a posting which i hate, with a super duper busy schedule the next month, another 5 more portfolios to go, yet another anticipation with 'red head' (IN PERSON) this thurs or friday, my 1st ever overnight call this thursday...

Back to reality. After living in the clouds for the entire past week. It my turn now to face the 'bullfrog'. At least this is only a 4 day week, thanks to the public holiday. And since today we are only expected to show up at 0830... Haha, which makes my lifespan in the labour room shorter!

Im so not looking foward to the life in O&G the next 5 weeks. One of the subjscts that i dislike most, but, still gotta pull through it. The 1 and only thing that im really looking foward to, is if the 'old man' shows up here in BP. The meeting would be sweet indeed! More of fun which i anticipate, with all the cracked up jokes that he makes, at everyone's expense. As long as you don't let it stab your heart, that would do.

CFCS back to haunt once more. The viva's are like in 48 hours time, and im still BLUR about whatever's going on! Honestly, i don't even know what to read up for! Had a chat with my 'partner' yesterday, and both of us are in the same pair of shoes, which we better now screw it up during the viva! Both equally blur, both no idea what to do, and to admit, both of us have NO IDEA how is Mr H doing right now! If one of us screws up, i guess the other would to, as 'teamwork' it's all about, since the very begining. This school of mine is weird, if they ever wanted it to be teamwork in the first place, why not let us choose our own partners? We definitely work better with the people which we choose, instead of them pre-allocating our partners for us. Which by the way they did a really good job out of it, as 'the pairs' were a perfect match, 'dr jackyl & mr hyde'. LOL!!!

@ 0746, 20052008... over the clouds no more...

Familiar???

Sweet smell of seremban air! I can't believe that im really typing this statement. I've missed it so so much for the past 10 weeks!!! Not the air, doink's. The environment. I've actually learned to like the IMU like setting there in sban for the past 2 years, without even realizing it! When i stepped out of my car this morning... Everything was just so familiar. The guards were as friendly as always, the cleaners were staring at me as if i was a ghost from the past or something, sister T was shocked to meet me at the elevator...

I missed eveything here, the people, the building, even the hospital. Nothing could be worse than being down south even more! Thank goodness im going to be there only for the next 10 weeks, after that, good riddence!

Managed to meet up with a few juniors along the way, much catching up to do. It seems like the teachings in sban are still yet the same, but those people are more intrested to know more about BP. I gave them a picture of 'hell' where there is nothing else to do other than stay at home and rot! Honestly, if you think sban is bad, BP is 1001% worse. The food sucks, the drivers suck, the weather suck, the imu building suck, the fascilities suck, i can't even name something good!

Hilariously, Dr Z was so intrested to know why i actually drived down all the way from KL just to get my portfolio. Repeatedly she asked me: 'Are you sure you are OK? Are you sure you do not have any further questions? You know what i mean, other than the portfolio...'

Ahem... Thanks for your concern but I AM OK. I have no idea what you have heard over the past 10 weeks, but, im FINE at the moment. If you really want to know what's wrong with me, the list is never ending. Im having a rather rough time now, coping mentally and physically. But, i think i really need a longer break. I think i deserve a longer break. Im not ready to go back to hell in 3 days time... Oh, HELP ME!!!

@ 1432, 16052008, curtesy of IMU library, sban clinical school...

Comfort zone...

Eat well, sleep well, even breathe well... Well, that's just being in my comfort zone for sure! Been there since friday night, and how i wished that it would never end. Im so reluctant to go back to the 'out of this world', excruciatingly psychologically torturing place down south!

Im just so really enjoying being at home till nothing else bothers me no more. Although the gut it still ill-behaved, but, what the heck, just pump in the lomotil and get on with live. Yet to step out of the house to meet up with friends. Just spending the past few days catching up with my family after going through 10 weeks of hell. The good news that's just another 10 more weeks to go, 5 more portfolios to type, 1 cfcs viva coming up next week, 1 long case and 1 exit viva... Then, that's it. All my hard work this 5 years just ends like that!

Friday afternoon vc session was rather intresting. Haha, guess who decided to join 'red head'? Peanut! Of all people, the day that i decided to present a cardio case, a cardiologist decided to show up! At least i did not get screwed by either one of them, coz there were others who really got the boot. 'Red head' being her sarcastic self, 'peanut' quiet most of the time unless being 'consulted'. It was rather beneficial for me, coz they actually told me what would be asked in the final exams, as i guess both of them are in the 'board of examiners'.

Being home is fun fun fun 1001%, just that time passes really really fast here. Im so dreading the trip back to 'hellhole' on Monday...

@ 1148, 13052008, at last...

Today is here!!!

Finally, today has come. After a gruelling wait for the past 2 1/2 weeks, i finally get to go home this evening. About 8 more hours to go. Im not bothered about whatever that's going to happen today. The only thing that im ever anticipating now is the long drive home later. Praying hard that the earliest that i can leave this freaking place would be 5pm, after the math, would reach home about 2030?

I can't wait to step in my house. I can't wait to just collapse on my bed. Although been travelling home so frequently the past 10 weeks, this time round, its just going to be a different experience altogether. I finally get to actually sit down, relax, no rushing off to somewhere without a proper rest...

@0843, 09052008, just can't wait...

HIGH...

This what i would get after doping myself, with...

2 tabs PCM + 2 tabs naproxen + 2 tabs lomotil + 2 tabs stemetil

Newest cocktail in the market, plus 2 hours of nightmarish dreams, at least im able to lift my head up now. I went to the wards at 0800 this morning (surprising rite?), just to get my logbook signed by the sister. Nevermind that, i left at 0900, almost collapsing on my way home. Upon reaching home, searched for my stash of supplies, pumped it all in, collapsed on the bed till now.

I had dreams of lizards attacking me in my room, must be that lizard that i chased out the other day coming back to haunt me! Though eyes still oedematous, my temp has settled, bowel 'cooling' down, though the cramps do come occassionally, head 'thumping' is gone. Im just at the top of the world now. Have not felt 'so good' in days...

Something ironic happened today. I was 'checking out' the patient's BHT, in front of this nepalese guy. He came in for a fever of 6 days prior tp admission, been in the ward for 5. They suspcted him having malaria, but after 3 BFMP's, it was all negative. The ironic thing is that he's fever peaks at times like 12mn everyday, and he's well throughout the day. He was rather fed up with them keeping him for so long, before i even started talking to him, he asked

"Do they know what's wrong with me? Why do i keep getting the fever's? Can i go back to work?"

I, stunned, replied "honestly, the dr's here have no idea what's wrong with you, they thought it was malaria..."

"But, the blood test said it's not, right?"

"Yeah, i guess so. Now, i have no idea what they are thinking of. Why not wait for the big dr to come later and see what he says?"

Dissapointment was all clutered over his face. Come on, what else could i have done? Honestly, no one knows whats wrong with him, even an MO suggested that he had PUO, for more investigations!

This is why by hook or by crook im not going to see a dr anytime soon. Till the day that i really collapse...

@ 1210, 08052008, till then...

Hyperthermia??? Pyrexia???

Which is the correct term? Or is it both the same? Argh, it dosen't matter. I've been PCM dependent for the at least the past 2 days. Tab PCM 1g QID. Sounds familiar? I've no choice. I've even tried the combination of 2 tabs PCM and 2 tab naproxen, at the same time. (which seems to do wonders by the way, to totally 'kong' me off for at least 4 hours straight!) That stupid pyrexic episodes of mine seem to 'emerge from the dead' once more. It usually comes at abt 3 in the morning, where i would just get a bath, pop in 2 tabs then try my best to enter snoozieland. I would the toss and turn in bed, trying my best to sleep, but the pounding headaches just do not stop. Figiting in bed till im drained out, by 7am i'll be so so lethargic. Talk about going the the wards! Barely lasting 4 hours, i'll have to take another dose at 7am, then snooze till bout 11am. Get out and get another shower, pop another 2 in, to last me till afternoon... The ironic part is that after 4pm, i get a fever no more, which seems to last till bout 10 to 11 at night, where i start popping the PCM's in once more.

Sheesh, that's have been my routine the past 2 days. Initially i thought i was just a 1 episode thing, but now it seems to be prolonged. I better get well before friday, coz im not going to spend my entire holiday week being sick!

@ 1139, 07052008, argh, it's back...

Sheer laziness...

What a waste of time when you've gotta stay back here doing absolutely nothing, coz Dr V aint around till friday. The 1 thing that i really miss is his classes though. All his teachings, be it bedside or in the classroom. Honestly since i stepped into med school, he is the only person who succeeds in getting the message through to the thick skull of mine. I truly enjoyed every session we had with him. Stress was never a factor. I had the chance to be myself, to think aloud, to voice out opinions (ouch, i was supposed to 'shut up' after the last posting). Nevermind that, because, for once, i enjoyed medicine. Not that i like the topic per say, but definetly all thumbs up for the teaching and thinking processes.

It's just tuesday... Darn. Why is time passing so slowly? I can't wait for this week to be over and done with, as quickly as possible. It's miserable passing on day by day with nothing to do (it's just that im not in the mood to do anything, but tonnes to be done!). Im so lazy to get my butt to the wards, coz there would be no anticipation of a teaching session later that day. Im so lazy to flip the books open to be read. Im so lazy to go through the portfolios and journals to prepare for this friday's session. Im even so lazy to drive back to KL this friday! Even the thought of the journey makes me miserable. Imagine driving alone, plus the super long journey, which would be even more BORING!!!

What can i say? Im just to blessed with every good thing in life. I should stop complaining, get out of the lazy couch, and start working my way to who i want to become...

@ 1113, 060508, just woke up... heavenly indeed...

MoRoN's...

Don't these people ever stop? They keep going on and on and on, the same things over and over and over again!

After having a 'near perfect' entire day... Blood sucking the entire morning, snoozieland the entire afternoon, 'house MD' marathon till NOW....

Wham Wham Wham Bham Bham Bham... These people just do not stop, do they? The moronic part is that i just had my 'dinner', i've no where to go hang out at this time of the day, other than either the hosp (oh, that's really sad), or just carrefour or BP mall! Since they just started, my prediction is that they'll only stop at like about 10pm??? Or maybe even later, coz they started late today!

@ 2038, 05052008... Total MoRoN's... Maybe i'll just hang out in carrefour...

Whooo HOoooo!!!!

Im over the clouds right now. After having a BLAST with KY the entire day in Malacca and Muar (we dropped by just for the mee bandung and otak), upon reaching home, only to get 3 emails waiting to be read. I was like, 'Oh great, and one of them was a reply for the portfolio i submitted last fri...'

After the hours of toiling through Harrisons, tonnes of journals, some manual of cardiology book, umpteen times over GOLD guidelines, reading and re-reading the same summary, investigtions and learning issues over and over and over again, i got this reply... 'Thank you. Your portfolio is well written.' Haha, every bit and sweat paid off! Finally, i finally got rewarded with what i really deserved! All snoozeland hours lost, the entire labour day lost just to complete this 'piece of work'...

The final results is worth it, i tell you. Yesterday, while on our trip i was still contemplating whether i should change the entire case, but now, i've got my answer... Nah, not till if 'red head' dosen't approve it on friday during vc...

@ 1003, 04052008, over the cloud right now, a good meal anyone???

BHAM! BHAM! WHAM! WHAM!!!

These people are just so DUMB! DUMB! DUMB! Day in, day out, that's the only thing people is BP are GOOD AT! Wake up late and you hear it, come home from class you hear it, wake up from your evening nap you hear it! It's driving me nuts!!! If the drums decided to take a break, then the blardy kid opposite would decided to throw up an tantrum. Shout, scold his mum, bang the door, WHAM WHAM WHAM, the cry at the top of his lungs! That's what you'll wake up to in the weekends, the only day that i get to sleep late...

The level of civic consciousness of the people in BP is ZERO, or even NEGATIVE for that matter. They are a selfish lot, self centered and the WORST IDIOTS ONE WILL EVER MEET! I noticed the more south you travel down, the level reduced exponentially. I always wondered than what about the people in JB? Wouldn't it be worse? I guess im right, after seeing a few examples in the people that i used to mingle with in a daily basis...

@ 2121, 02052008, when will these people ever stop???

Lethargy & depression...

The combination of both just makes me homesick. How i do wish that i was on my way home now. I could just pack my bags up now and make it home. But, i think i would just work it out for another 7 more days. I've done a fair bit of travelling this past 8 weeks, i would like a break now.

What the hell is there to do in BP during the weekends??? NOTHING, other than stay at home and snooze your way through the entire 48 hours. Carrefour would definitely be packed with throng and throngs of people, BP mall and summit are in the saddest state ever. There's no place to hang out, no place to catch a good movie, even the IMU library closes at 5pm on sat! The only place that's open 24/7 is BP HOSPITAL! Which, happens to be EMPTY during weekends.

Maybe i'll take a drive down to Malacca tomorrow. I'm sort of craving for good chendol and a fine place to shop. I've yet to get my knapsack which i've been eyeing for quite some time now. Gotta get something for mother's day too, as it's up week after next. Did my survey, found out from the locals that there are better places than the jusco that we ended up in the other day! Thank goodness for that...

@ 1708, 02052008, snoozieland for now...

Finally...

I've done it! As in the summary, investigations and learning issues for my 2nd portfolio. Which happens to be due tomorrow! We never knew it until late yesterday, when the group leader asked Dr V when was the due date... It's crazy just trying to figure out what i was typing in, as this assessor takes your portfolios as a professional document, not what you feel about the patient! Try crapping your way through and bullshitting in your learning issues, and only to get a grade of POOR! That's exactly what happened to the previous group, where most of them ended up with either POOR or AVERAGE. Out of the 6 examples he showed us, there was only 1 SATISFACTORY.

VC's up next week, 18 of us will be on monday, facing 3 GIANTS of unknown origin, the other 7 on friday, facing 'red head'. Honestly, im not prepared for either. It will not make a difference anymore whether i go on mon or fri. If i get into the monday group, i'm fried no matter what, bcoz im so ill-prepared. If i get into the friday group, i might as well as be dead coz it's 'red head' IS THERE! Hah, i don't give a damn anymore. Be it mon or fri, as long as i get out of it alive...

IM so drained out now but i can't sleep. Been surviving instant, microwavable food these past few days. It has been frozen food, instant noodles or pasta. Im just so lazy to cook, so lazy to go out to get 'real' food. The cozy and cooling environment im in now is just too comfortable. Maybe i'll just pay a visit to snoozieland for now...

@ 1745, 01052008... Labour day... Where has it gone to???