'I think i wanna defer this semester.'

'What? What did you fail?'

'No, i did not fail anything la. I dunoe. I just feel i shouldn't be here.'

'It's only another 3 more months. Be done with it! I think you had 'too long' a holiday. You're homesick.'

'Im not homesick. I just wanna go back to ipoh.'

'For what? To look after gramps is it? Gramps is in good hands. Don't you worry.'

'Im not worried. I just that i feel i should be there.'

'Common la, you know gramps. He wants you to pass all your exams and graduate as soon as possible. He's always praying for you. Now is your chance to pray for him.'

Oh crap! Now im having mixed feelings of sadness and anger. I just couldn't go on with the conversation. Hurricane arrived in BP. The rest of the conversation was 1 sided. All i did was say 'arh, ya, ok, aha'.

It is easy for you to say that it's just another 3 more months. Try being in my position for once, lets see how long you can survive. It's crazy going through life like this everyday. Where your mind is in Ipoh, soul on KL, body in BP. Everytime i see an elderly patient, my lacrimal gland just seems to be automatially stimulated. It's spinal reflex, beyond my control. Flashbacks occur, worries swarm through my mind, anticipating the bleak future, wondering when would be the time...

@2254, 10042008, i don't wanna go home, yet, i wanna go home...