Try being an 88 y/o for just one day. I think life does suck, as you grow older. You're partially blind, deaf, no teeth to chew, your feet can't even support you body, can't even walk without the help of walking aids... It makes me wonder what kind of 88 y/o i'll be next time (if i ever life that long)...
Today, i witnessed the unconditional love between 2 siblings, in 2 separate episodes, which gave me the same take home message. No matter what happens, blood is thicker than water, as long you share half of your 46 double stranded chromosomes with that one being... Even when you're at the end of the road, verge of dying, you are not alone. The effort, time, inconvenience caused (all these are part of a package), just to travel so far to visit a loved one, it's worth it, i tell you.
There are so many things going on in my mind at this moment, i don't even know where to begin. It's all messed up. The wrong words come out of my mouth, the brain seems to be malfunctioning, i don't seem to think right, i don't eat right, i don't sleep right, gut never been right, NOTHING SEEMS RIGHT!!!
Life is a mess at this moment. I do hope that things all 'cool off' soon. Everything that had happened, is hapenning now, and will happen is driving me nuts! I'll soon end up in an asylum if this craziness does not end soon.
For once today, i actually missed whatever that i've been doing for the past 2 years. Morning rounds, clerking patients, bedside teaching, the screwing sessions... I miss all those. Was daydreaming earlier and it all just gushed passed my mind. Suppose to be back to routine from next week onwards, but, im doubtful that im prepared to go back to the old routine. I don't know. I've lost all the confidence in myself. I feel as though i do not know what im doing most of the time. After what i've gone through the past 2 weeks, it's as though my body has unconsiously given up. Im barely awake at times, drifting off into 'dunoe what land' most of the time...
@ 2341, 01042008, welcome to my world... the world of the unknown...
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