Days... Nights...

Night 1
Everyone was in a state of shock. Mum did not know how to respond. Given the grave diagnosis of stroke and the possibility of paralysis for life, she froze as time passed. No one else knew how to react. I volunteered to stay back that night as I was the night bird of the family, partly was that I knew that if he was to improve, it would be in the 1st 24 hours. Deep inside I was indeed paying for a miracle. I knew that the prognosis was bad, after a glance through the CT scan. Almost 2/3 of the right brain was affected, and yet, the presentation was indeed weird. Bilateral lower limb weakness, slurring of speech, and yet, upper limbs were perfectly normal, reflexes, sensation all intact. How could anyone explain this??? Stayed awake throughout the night. Comforted him when he dreamt of ‘selling’ something. ‘Money? Where is the money?’

Day 2
Arrogant doc showed up in the morning. Given the diagnosis of a 50% stroke 50% tumour, immediately asked what we wanted to do. Oh, common, HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT LAY PEOPLE TO KNOW WHAT TEST THEY WANT TO ORDER? Get some sense la, you are talking to people who can’t even differentiate a boil from a bed sore! Finally made the decision of going for the MRI, the next step would then depend on the results.

Night 2
Post MRI, no review of results coz the doc-on-call was busy at home. Patient developed focal seizures involving right side of face, increasing in frequency and duration. Doc ordered epilin infusion via phone, didn’t even bother to show up to review the patient. Certain parties got pissed, commented that they wanted a second opinion. Sudden pyrexia, not relieved by paracetamol and tepid sponging. Nurses freaked out. Called doc again. This time nurses came back with the news of sending the patient to the ICU IMMEDIATELY. Without even giving the family members a reason. Volcanoes blew. After long distance travelling the night before, seeing a loved one barely conscious the entire day… PISSED… They screwed the doc via phone left & right. Finally was given an option of getting an opinion from an MO for RM280 for 1 consultation. Agreed. MO reviewed the MRI, gave a diagnosis of NPC with brain mets. Stage 4. All hearts sank, tears shed. Patient immediately sent to ICU. Everyone went home.

Day 3
Marched to the hospital 1st thing in the morning, with the hope to meet the arrogant doc, but avail. She’s smart enough to avoid all the lions, hiding herself in the ICU as ‘lions’ can’t gain access coz it was not visiting hours. Ward sister became the negotiator, poor lady was bombarded with questions left and right. The conversation was going nowhere. Why can’t this people let bygones be bygones? Try to look to the future, than re-living the past! I threw myself in the ‘hot pot of soup’ when I spoke up. Everyone was speechless. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I went to see the arrogant doc, she gave up. She was already in the process of writing the referral when I saw her. Neway, decided to get a second opinion. The best part was that I had NO CLUE what was going on, as I was not around when the MO explained. Whatever I knew then was all from the mouths of emotionally unstable beings, half of the time who did not even understand what they were telling me!

Finally the neurosurgeon showed up at noon. Perfect timing indeed. All big mouths were not around, only me & an aunt. The kind soul explained everything from the beginning, laid out the options. What a sweetheart. Never met a doc who was so professional, with the best bedside manners that you’ll ever imagine. I came to the conclusion that surgeons are kinder and more humane compared physicians, whether it comes to explaining to the relatives or bedside manners. At least they don’t treat you like a moron. They have the patience to explain to you what’s going on and how should we proceed. Provisional diagnosis was NPC with brain mets, but the differential was an abscess. No certainty could be obtained from the MRI, only a rigid endoscope and biopsy would be confirmatory.

Decision on palliative care was made, even without a confirmatory diagnosis. False hope is now burning through the hearts of the loved ones, mostly praying that it could be an abscess. Patient’s condition improved, transferred back to the ward for the night. My turn to do the night call tonight, as the day and night call schedules had to be drawn out while arrangements were made back home.

Day 3
Bright & sunny outside, as well as inside room 591. The dark clouds decided to show it’s silver lining today. Conditions are improving, praying hard that it’ll stay that way. He’s opening his eyes, talking in full sentences, asking questions, requesting to take orally! Haha, most probably thanks to the 48 hours of full, undisturbed sleep. It’s as if he reincarnated. I can’t find another word to describe… I’ve noticed something, it’s like when im around, everything seems to be so perfectly normal, but once I leave… Im not going to imagine it. Just received another mood elevating message from my buddy. CFCS portfolio dateline was just postponed to Thursday! Not that I’ve not finished it, just that it means I don’t have to rush back tomorrow. But, it’s all bcoz of the journal club presentation. Im due up tomorrow aft, if I can find someone to swap with me… I’ll try.

Hoorah, Some kind soul agreed to change with me. Comin back wed... Till then... See how it goes...

@ 1445, 24032008... Better get into snoozieland soon. On call tonight...