Finally...

Countdown to the final long case end of posting for sem 9. Thankfully that there are only 4 this sem, if there were more to come, i would DIE! It's rather unfair to have you exams on the first day itself, when instead of a 4 week posting it becomes 3! Procrastinating through the past 3 weeks, trying to pump in as much as i can in this last 8 hours... welcome to the total disaster.

A supposedly uneventful, boring 2nd part of last week turned out to be a tiring, nervewrecking, insomnic, insane travelling, out of this world week + weekend... Just last week alone i clocked almost 1000km's on my speedometer! Ipoh-Sban journey on sunday, KL-sban wed till friday continously in a row, then today back to sban once more! Plus the sleepless nights either spending it in the A&E or uncomfortable sleeping arrangements due to lack of beds & pillows, then spending entire days waiting in the hospital, back to sban for classes then home in the late evenings & nights... Not forgetting mum's incessant nagging at bro when i was just about to leave home, went on with dad, taking little matters to heart... Argghhh. I was just so irritated when i left home just now. That's definitely not the feeling you would want. After all tomorrow is exam day, you wouldn't want your mind wondering about WHAT'S CURRENTLY HAPPENING AT HOME!!! Everything is taking its toll on me now. Im lethargic yet i can't sleep coz i've tonnes more to read up for tomorrow. Books were totally out of sight for the past 5 days, just started bringing them out just now. Upon reaching here, for once, finally i could just sit down in silence, open my books, try to pump in as much info as i could. Now, i just so overloaded with info, all jumbled up in my brain, till i can't differentiate which is for what!

Out of all the postings in sem 9, this is the worst. Begining with a topic that i dislike most, then having exams on monday, carzy gut doing it's usual job, family matters to settle, totally drained after not being able to repay my sleep debt yet... I've reached my limit. I don't think i can take it anymore. I've had enough. Currently, im in the grumpiest mood ever. Any tiny whinny thing will just trigger me off anytime soon. I just want tomorrow & tuesday to be over, then i can just sit down & sort matters out. Looks like i'll be going home on tues night once more, as there are unsolved issues to be settled.

In the end of the day, the main reason why my family has not fallen apart is because of ...... I was the one who made ALL the decisions, as if we were playing a game of reversal of roles. The best part is that when it comes to making decision for others, im able to do it perfectly, but when it comes to my personal problems, im just so stubborn as not to decide to do anything about it! It all boils down to that both my parents being UNABLE to decide WHAT TO DO WITH ME!

There has been many many times since they argued, worst when i was young. No one will ever believe that on my 12th birthday i actually wished that they would not break up! The scenario is always the same, one shedding tears while yelling her lungs out, the other just stoning, soundless as though he does not exist! Im always the one ending up in tears as usual, out of their sight. This time round is a 3 way thing, with another idiot in the picture bickering & defending himself! As time passes the picture seems to be as ugly as it can be, all i can do now is just pray & hope that it will not take the turn for the worse anytime soon.

@ 0021, 21012008, how i wish if i could just die this moment...