Learned helplessness...

When you have already reach this stage, its a matter of time that you will go comit suicide! But not today!!! Rather im in a super good mood, not stressed, happy, in a state of just feeling 'extra good'. Dont ask me why, I have no idea. Maybe its just due to all the stress levels that has already reached it max, or maybe it's time to just chill out, get a good meal & then later get a good night's sleep.

That was 5 minutes ago, right before my dinner decided to come back out the WRONG WAY UP! Now with my stomach growling & moaning... My mood is also following that direction. I've still got tonnes of topics to cover for tomolo's exams, but i've already accepted the fact that i wont be able to finish them tonite. This is the time where i start to regret that i was FOOLING AROUND TOO MUCH last 7 weeks. Hope that i will change but this repeats each time before an exam!

Decided to cover whatever i can tonite, then just go in will all the luck i can get, face the exam with all my GUTS tomorrow!

@2107, 26042007

Sien...

BORING!!! Actually it's more of STRESSSSSSSS! Exams up on fri, feels like my brain is totally empty! How now? Any effective way to pump in as much info as possible in less than 48 hrs?

This is the time that i start to freak out, desperate for anything, i really mean ANYTHING, to put whatever i need on fri into the 'resonant' brain of mine.

Nose in books all day. Life is just so boring! Im not the kind of book person, where all day looooong reading and memorizing stuff! This is the part of medicine that i hate most. I like action, hands on, where there is interaction... Rather than in the chair, pumping in info as much as i can... My concentration time spend on studying is rather short. I just do not have the patience do this all day long.

Stopping by good old jusco later... Gotta go 4 a walk... Fill up my tummy with something... Hope that fuel will not burn out till fri!

@ 1538, 25042007

2 hours = 120 minutes = 7200 seconds - 450ml & 6 feet under

That's the time needed to complete multiple tasks. As usual, yc & i stalked the hospital in that 2 hours, saw almost everyone that we did not intend to meet, completed all whatever we needed to do.

It all started when we were about to sleep... Then... KA CHING! Lets go donate blood. I've not done it for almost 6 months now, and yc had not been successful the last 2 donations. Ended up in IMU parking, dressed in T-shirt & shorts, wanted to take the back stairs up. Turned the knob... Damn! It was lock! Means that we had to take the main stairs up right to the 4th floor. It was 2.30pm, & the probability of meeting someone was almost 85%. Had no choice, scooted up as fast as we could to 4th floor, flew past the guard and walked towards the hospital.

Decided to settle other stuff 1st before donating blood. Ended up in Pengarah Hospital's office, to hand in my selective applications. Walked in, told the lady dat wanted to hand in the letter. And her ans was "Dari mana? private ke?" Cant blame her, partly was due to our dressing. Went to stalk 'my father', Mr P in SOPD next, walked in & his nurse was like "Hello, @d, lama tak jumpa, macam mana u skarang?" Was told that Mr P was in his room, tried to knock, but thank goodness he WAS NOT IN! It's my lucky day i guess. Went on to stalk Dr CK in ortho (for yc's sake), but he was having a class with our coursemates. Decided to go re-stalk him later.

Went on to donate blood. Told a tonne of lies today just to get through the screening process (sorry cant post it out here). But the people there were rather friendly (duh! sure la, those bloodsuckers! U giving them for free u know). Filled up the 450ml bag in 3 minutes (amboi, i think its my new record!), then asked the nurse to fill a bottle of my blood so that i could go do my hep B antibody test. Was forced to get a drink and some kuih afterwards, she claimed that it was a 'special diet' for blood donors!

Went back to OOPD, to stalk Dr CK. Walked straight in, caught him immediately when he walked out 1 of the rooms! Should you see the smirk on his face when he saw yc & i together! (based on what ky & i did the last time round, i think he finally got to see the whole picture!) Luckily i did not burst out laughing like last time, yc asked him whatever she wanted to ask, then i opened my mouth to ask for an investigation form for Hep B test. He agreed, but did not sign it! He said that i had to get the cop from MOPD opposite, so we headed there next.

Was so glad to hear nurse A's voice when walking in, went striaght up to her. (BIG BIG MISTAKE!!!) Then... this conversation broke out in front of bilik 1 (with Dr L sitting in there), the door slowly opening wider & wider...

nurse : Wah, @d, u kurus betul, lama tak jumpa arh.

@d : Kak, nak minta tolong cop borang lab dengan cop MOPD.

nurse : Boleh, masuklah, Dr L di dalam.

@d : Tak perlulah, nak cop saja.

Bilik 1 door widely opened by now!!!

nurse : Masuklah, takkan tak kenal Dr L ma!

OMG! Sure masuklah! U samore announced so loudly to the world. The best part was when yc & i walked in, the was a whole bunch of juniors in there. One idiotic guy shouted "Oi, this 1 is our senior la!" Dr L looked up, I walked straight in, right through the room, out through the back door! Wah liau, pai seh betul! Gotta get a hole to bury myself d!

Got the lab form copped, headed to the lab. As usual the guy there was like "U lagi arh, apa mau kali ini?" yc response was like "wah, u seriously very famous in hospital arh!" Aiyo, u think i want meh? Not like i have a choice ma...

Walked back to imu, figured that our 'adventure' had ended. Of all people, we were walking behind Prof R, of all the days, why did you choose today to do ward rounds???? Nvm, waited at the bridge for the coast to clear, then as stepping into the compound... Saw Dato S coming from the opposite direction. Cham lo! I scooted in the same direction as he was walking to, but ahead of him! Did not even dare turn to look behind once! Luckily the emergency stairs door could open this time round, a sigh of relief once there, walked down straight into the car!

Ended up in jusco, had fried chicken wings with cheeze, spent some money on groceries... Came home and started blogging. Gonna catch some beauty sleep now, gotta hit the books later!!!

@2020, 24042007

Exams...Laziness... Procrastination...

MACAM MANA! All these symptoms tend to periodically arise when exams are around the corner. Osce for the past 2 days were so-so, mainly was my fault as i did not study enough, but i should also be forgiven based on the fact that everything i studied for DID NOT COME OUT AS USUAL! I can never understand how the 5 min osce concept works, like Pavlov dog's, the buzzer rings, u read the question for 1 min, then the buzzer buzzes again, you march straight into the room, totally have no idea what you do the next 5 mins, and the come out in a stupor state. I can't even remember what i did the past 5 mins, it's like you go in and come out a totally different person!

At least that load is off my shoulders now, then next hurdle is 3 SAQ papers in 1 day! The best part is that all 3 papers are on totally different specialties (Fam med, Ortho, Psych...). Gosh, what a day friday is going to be! To be honest, I have been fooling around this past 8 weeks, and now i only have bout 48 hours to put all the info into my brain. So, should i be selective, or just pump in as much as possible, as much as i can? Lets decide on that later.

Had a rather terrible weekend lately, partly due to my underlying med probs. Based on my recent statistics, looks like i only get to enjoy 1 out of every 4 weekends. So unfair... But at least i have public holidays to look foward to. Next week itself im havin 2 public holidays! Not bad, but the part that it's in the middle of the week is rather a prob. Means that i gotta travel KL-Sban more often than usual. That means more driving, more travelling time, more money spent on petrol and tol. I feel rather guilty especially when it comes to the money part, coz all these expenses are borne by my 'financial advisor'. Look at the bright side, i get to spend more time at home, more time with mum & dad, more time with TED! That's what that keep me from wanting to go back every weekend! That's what that keeps my spirits UP during the weekdays. That's what that get me going through the week, no matter how lousy or shitty it has been. I know there's a place called HOME in KL that i get to go back to every week. Wow, i always do thank my lucky stars that home will always be there when i need it during desperate times.

@ 1216, 24042007

Lazy bug...

Infected by the lazy bug... Macam mana? I also dunnoe. Only i can make it go away. Exams up next week, preperation nil. So much to read up, but haven't started a page yet. Fam med (damn!), psy (double damn!!), and ortho (cham lo) ...

Bug caught my gut these 2 days as well. Sama sama invasion with bug caught the brain, which switched off the 'hardworking' part of brain. Better start hitting the books tonite, but already have a BBQ planned up. Believe it, 2 BBQ's in less than 7 weeks! Who can break this record?

@ 1534, 18042007

Pain, Pain GO AWAY, PLEASE DON'T come another day!!!

I'M THIS...

&

REALLY REALLY NEED

I really pray hard this happens. It's really really geting worse, thank goodness nothing much on tomorrow, just a small appoinment with Dr N to get him sign my elective forms during lunch hour. I wonder how will i be able to crawl out of bed tomorrow afternoon. Shall see what happens then. My threshold has reached it's maximum level, the worst is that none of the meds seem to work anymore! Oh GOD, HELP!!! I really need it. End of posting exams up next week, and i don't even know where to start!

@0415, 180407

Pain & suffering

Everyone in life goes through these episodes. It's just that the intensity for each episode is different. Gosh, whatever im going through today is rather bad (for yc's sake, it's still not as bad as a colono). I've gulped down 5 celebrex in the past 18 hours, and so far it's not helping. Im definitely becoming an NSAID addict soon. Colic, multiple joint pain, eachache... The list goes on. Sometimes i keep asking myself why am i so useless. Am i normal? Or do other people get these aches & pains as well? Maybe not as often as i do, but im sure everyone have their up 's and down's.

Another week of fam med, at least its in a new environment. GP posting, not that boring if i may say so, it's just that there are 2 brothers that are totally different beings from totally different worlds. Dr P is the 'happy go lucky' type, as long as everyone is happy, he is happy. His bro, Dr L on the other hand has a grouch to everyone in the world. He went on and on for hours today telling us about his life working in the government service, about all the dissapointments he faced while in there, all the 'idiot' consultants that he worked with. Come on, we know that life is not a bed of roses, its the survival of the fetus in the real world. If you act so arrogantly and snobbishly, surelah people do not like you where you work, anywhere for that matter. I dont think life is that bad, surely there are good times and also the bad. Why dont you rejoice the good moments, rather than keep complaining about the bad. Take life in a different prespective, see the half cup as full rather than empty. I know it's hard at times when you just feel that you deserve better, but i do believe there's always a reason to why these life events occur.

By the way, I would like to wish my dearest, bestest friend LWK a very Happy 23rd Birthday, girl. Hope that you have a great day with many returns. Thanks for being there when i really need you, and i would like to share this with you.

ABC's OF A FRIEND

A – accepts you as you are
B - believes in you
C – call’s you just to say hi
D – dosen’t give up on you
E – envisions the whole of you
F – forgives your mistakes
G – Gives unconditionally
H – Helps you
I – Invites you over
J – Just be with you
K – keeps you close at heart
L – loves you for who you are
M – makes a difference in your life
N – never judges
O – offers support
P – picks you up
Q – quiets your fears
R – raises you spirits
S – says nice things about you
T – tells you the truth when you need to hear it
U – understands you
V – values you
W – walks beside you
X – X-plains things that you don’t understand
Y – yells when you don’t listen
Z – zaps you back to reality

@ 1832, 17042007

Weekend come, weekend gone

Time flies... Its back to good ole monday again... Damn, this means im back to the deepest part of the trench of depression once more. It means that i would have to endure the journey to reach the surface once again. I souldn't complain much, as i had a GREAT weekend.

Last weekend was one of the finest, most enjoyable weekend i had since a long time. It started with dim sum early sat morning with wk in klang, then we proceeded to jusco (as i dont go there often enough) and did some shopping. I managed to spend rm190 on just a pair of shoes, but i liked it so much that i thought i deserved a treat. Reached home about 2pm, managed to fill dad's stomach with 'bak kut teh' fresh from klang. To my surprise, even my bro enjoyed it this time, and ted got all the 'bak kut' as usual. Crashed into bed upon reaching home, as i only slept at 5 the night before. Came out of coma at bout 7pm, continued to shop with mum till the shops closed. Spent the rest of the night infront of the pc, printing stuff fr dr T's cd as report is due this week. Collapsed at bout 3, and only woke up at 10 the next day.

Sunday was relaxing, spent the whole day with ted. Did some grooming for him (i.e. shaving him bald), the gave him a bath and body massage. The rest of the day was spent staring at the idiot box catching up on the week's loss of tv programs, then went out to dinner with family. Had a rather nasty earache after dinner. Spent the night tossing and turning in bed, could hardly get any sleep. Had to drive back to sban early this morning, still did not manage to catch any sleep.

At least my gut and my head were more merciful towards me this weekend, compared to the previous weeks. If you're still wondering about the lavages and colic, im still hanging in there, day by day, see what come what may, taking things one at a time. From all these experiences i've learnt to deal with pain, suffering and discomfort. The days when you see me just lying in bed, not moving a muscle, hardly eaten anything... Is one of the days that i just wish that im dead. But life isn't that bad, i still get my fair share of GOOD TIMES... All these valueble experiences has thought me to learn how to enjoy and treasure the tiniest and finest things in life, and not take things for granted.

@1434, 16042007

Weekend pleasure...

Surprise, surprise... It's already end of the week and im still surviving in SEREMBAN!!! To my amazement as well, im still here! Planing to go hang out in Jusco later, due to the boredom that im facing now. No plans of staying back here if anyone of you are wondering, actually already have BIG BIG plans for tomorrow. Driving down to klang in the morning for dim sum with WK (yum yum, drooling all over already), then 'stuff' dad with the very famous Klang 'bak kut teh', before asking him to send ben for repairs! Haha, gotta pamper him a little before asking for a favour, isn it?

Feeling rather lethargic today, did not really have a good sleep last night. Was awakened by dad at 9 this morning. This week he actually beat mum to knowing when im going home! I think he really misses the siew pau here, or maybe its just that he misses my company. My dad is a man of few words, never ever tells you his feelings, just by his actions.

Later in the afternoon gotta go do some shopping with mum. She's been complaining week in week out that she needs to go shop for some clothes, and i've been dragging it for sooooo long. It's time for me to do some clothes shopping as well, and i gotta go get a comfortable pair of shoes. The last time i actually went shopping for formal wear was in sem 1, almost 3 yrs ago. I've been surviving on them day in day out. No wonder most of my collars are already frayed, and the colours have faded!

Then the rest of my time will be spent with ted (what else!). Really do miss his company on weekdays...

@1948, 13042007

Recharged...

Had a pretty long day today, but can't complain much. My day onli started at 9am, compared to the usual 7.30am... Finally got my chance to recharge in the evening, nursing my fatigued body and mind in bed.

Bored, ended up in good old jusco again... Have been going there everyday since sunday night! Shopped, spent a bomb on mainly junkfood to keep me alive for another week, spent another bomb on another pillow!!! That's just my latest craze...

Just came back from stall hopping, had ikan bakar (quite delicious though) and then ABC & satay...

I found out the source of our entertainment in Seremban. My housemates and I have been daring each other to do the most idiot stuffs ever thought. That has been our entertainment here. That's how we survive everyday. We go round hanging mandarin oranges on lecturer's doors in the middle of the night on Valentines day, asking lecturers out for lunch, sharing with others the most insane theories that come up from our minds, sudden outbursts of laughter in the middle of class... The list goes on...

@0103, 13042007

Muahahahahahaha!!!

Full of laughter... That was how i survived today. Went to PD soooooo early in the morning, as KY & i sat at the patient waiting area for the others to arrive. Dr T arrived at 8.15, then only the 3 of us went in the room. He tried his best to start a conversation by asking us what cases we saw this week, and both of us were stunned. Not surprising as both of us have been stoning for the past few days in clinic. Luckily the other idiots finally walked in at 9. The session was rather boring, but Dr T had humour of his own. He would just crack some lame jokes and laugh to himself ocassionally. KY fell asleep infront of him, and should u see the look on his face!!! He was so embarressed, waving at her... I woke her up, and we both laughed about it.

Dreaded Dr L's class in the afternoon, but to our surprise it was not as bad as we expected it to be. Both of us burst out laughing as usual, and he would give is the pity look and ask us not to laugh at HIM!!! Perasan betul! But the learning experience was worth it, as i think i benefited from his class.

As we were walking to csu to return the dr's bag, guess who we met? Dr CK. I memang planned to meet him today, as YC dared me to tell him our theory, and YC was just praying that we wouldn't. When he appeared, both of us just burst out laughing and walked towards his direction. He was smirking when he saw us, and when we told him our theory about YC condition, he was soooooooo amused with us and stunned. Anyhow, I think i won the dare this time YC. Wait till u go see him in clinic next week!!!

@1713, 11042007

Cravings... Obsessions...

Craving and obsessions, part of what i face every single day. I spent almost 2 whole hours in Jusco today. Satisfied my craving for pizza, then satisfied my obsession of purchasing pillows, chocalate marshmallows, puzzle word finder...


I realized since i came to Seremban, I had the obsession of purchasing pillows. Till today, i have a total of 10 pillows on my single bed. Soon, i will be sleeping on the floor while my bed is full of pillows. The funny looking jigsaw shaped pillow is the newest addition to the family, which i got it earlier today. I just couldn't resist it.


While surfing you tube just now, I stumbled upon a song sung my michael buble, entitled 'HOME'. The lyrics really represents how i really felt when i got out of bed this morning... Sorry not being able to upload it here (im still figuring it out how to do it...). Just hang in there, i'll figure it out alright.

@ 2141, 10042007

Queezzzyyy...

This is another 1 of the feelings that i go through after throwing up 'baru eaten' lunch. Then it would be the norm reaction of gulping down 2 stemetils and some water. Im still quite surprised with my rather EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD appetite this few days. It could be bcoz i hardly ate anything last weekend. Yesterday i had 'char-siew-siew yoke' rice with toufu, then fish ball noodles for dinner. Today's lunch was rather filling, 'kuey teow', pork balls and fried won ton. It only took less than an hour before it came out again, but in a rather non-appetizing form!

Damn, the next class is the 'smiling timer'. Samore she is not in a good mood today. I guess i'll just go there and stone, like always...

@ 1305, 10042007

Therapeutic toons

Mickey, donald, goofy, tom & jerry, ninja turtles... Gone were the days where i used to spend hours and hours indulging and satisfying my needs for survival in front of the idiot box. Not forgetting sesame street, thanks to elmo, cookie monster and the count where i picked up my ABC's and 123's.

I had a dose of mickey and pluto for 1/2 and hour, then 1 1/2 hours more of 'jungle book'. I had not watched that cartoon since 5??? It was still as entertaining as it would ever be, with mowgli, bleu esp and shirkhan... It really lit up my feelings and lifted me out of the trench of depression.

I felt so lousy and worthless after waking up earlier this evening, and i just wondered about in jusco like a zombie. I did not really had stuff to buy, i just walked about aimlessly in the groceries department, dragging an empty basket along... When i reached the pet food isle i found my answer. I really miss ted at home. Both my eyes swelled up with tears and i just stood there staring at the doggie treats on sale. This is the time that i really need his therapeutic help. When i used to feel like that, he was there to comfort me, just pawing on my hand, 1/2 his body on mine... I would just lay on the bed, patting his muzzle, nothing else...

At least now i hope that i've found my cure for depression in seremban... CARTOONS... Hope that i do not get resistant to it any time soon. I still gotta survive for another 1 yr plus without his presence during weekdays. Let it be and see how i will survive it then...

@ 0117, 10042007

Feeling lousy...

Just woke up from 1 of my evening snoozieland sessions. I just don't feel right. I just feel downright lousy. I dunnoe why. Just not in a mood to do anything. This is the time that i usually put the blame on my gut, but i don't think so that's the main cause this time. WHY? I ask myself... Its just pure emotions... I just can't answer it... Maybe a drive round town will cure it. Hope so...

@2020, 09042007

Migrane...

This is just another 'problem' that i face occassionally. Im considered lucky that i do not get it that often, but when it comes it is full blown. Last weekend, i led a life full of misery. I just hid in my room, curtains fully draped, doors and windows all shut, air-cond full blast, and i spent the entire time in bed. The pain was agonizing till i just wanted to bang my head on the wall, did not want to do anything else other than die... It felt as though my head was a ticking timebomb, would explode anytime soon, any tiniest sound would trigger it.

Thank goodness i felt better this morning, after gluping down 2 pills of celebrex with a glass full of water. It was rather amazing that something i used to take for colic actually works for migranes, since after i took 4 cafenols the day before and it did not really help.

At least i was quite consciously awake the last few hours i spent at home. I just spent my time on the couch with ted and nobody else. Mum was as usual 'sam sam sam' about school related stuff, dad busy with the newspaper, ben hogging the tv...

In about 8 hours time i shall resume stoning in clinic, and this goes for the whole week. It's gonna be a loong week, as we have Uncle L's class on fri till quite late. In addition of the sessions i will be having tomorrow, where you get a female doc that wears a skirt and sits with ther legs 'kangkang', shouting things like 'i can bet with you that the diagnosis is xxx...' Then tues will be the doc that has a built in timer so that she smiles every 5 minutes. Wed and thurs will be the doc whose life revolves round EBM statistics (sensitivity x% and sensitivity x%), and fri with the 'hero dr' that gives out bets nonstop during clinic sessions. SIEN......

@0208, 09042007

Home

Yay!!! It's Friday. Which means that i will be home in 8 hours time. What a great feeling, i already can imagine lazing around, sitting on the couch with ted, not doing anything else... Wow, what a life. A life that all of us should be born to live, isn't it?

Going home almost EVERY WEEKEND, is something that i am always looking foward to. If i don't feel like, i will then stay back in seremban. But, it's always a relief to be home though. It makes me feel like im in the world that i grew up in, totally different from what i face in Seremban everyday. A different life altogether, like one from a parellel universe. Sometimes i do feel that im in 2 totally different worlds, with 2 totally different personalities. What the heck, as long as i am still me!

Everything is planned out for this weekend.

1. Lazing around
2. Sleep whenever and however long
3. Indulge in home cooked food
4. Spend time with Ted
5. Catch up with the latest season of CSI (if i still have time)

Im supposed to do my report this weekend, looks like its not in the to do list and see what happens then. That's to be decided later spontaneously when im in the mood...

I survived... :->

Time flies... Week by week, day by day, hour by hour, second by second. Thursday has come and almost gone. Today, i would like to dedicate this post to Dato' K.

Thanks a billion for the SUPERB job you did this morning. It was not as bad as i expected it would be. Guess it all boils down to your incredible skills and the magical touch. I barely drowned in my own secretions, the retching was very much less compared to last time, tears still came out my eyes, but at least the LA worked this time. 'Geng mou', i think nobody beats her la. Dahlah she's so gaya, samore quite 'fei'. Barely standing 5ft5inches, with her red hair, small size and petite, wah liau. There had been rumours that she can give you the diagnosis by just looking at the patient. She's that GOOD. When it comes to her skills, even 'my father' Mr P can't beat her.

Gosh, im just so relieved and glad this is all over. My throat is still a little sore though. But im not complaining. It feels like a heavy burden has been lifted off my chest, and finally i can breathe.

Anticipation...

"A an emotion involving pleasure (and sometimes anxiety) in considering some expected or longed-for good event, or irritation at having to wait."


Only the last part of the above statement applies to me. Gosh, finally tomorrow is going to be thursday. What a loooooong wait. Received some pretty good news today, that my antiendomysial antibodies results are NEGATIVE. That should had lighten up my day, but i don't think so. I'm definitely not looking foward to whatever event that's going to happen tomorrow. Damn, even the thought pulls my gut inside out! Or should i hope and pray hard that tomorrow event will be the last and hope that it finally i get my diagnosis after such a long wait.


It is an emotion that i go through everytime before i go for some sort of test. Be it just blood taking, x-ray, CT, endoscopy... It dosen't matter if it is invasive, or not, the dreaded feeling is still the same. My guts just do not feel right, it churns round and round, goes on and on, never stops. The waiting time practically kills me, as the hours pass by. I guess that tomorrow wouldn't be that bad, judging that i went through it before, but with the presence of a different group of people this time, i have no idea how it will turn out to be... Knowing who will be the one doing it for you is 1 thing, knowing who will be present at that moment is another.


I still can't decide whether i should get a sedation or not, and im now worried that i will have to answer that question tomorrow. I would love to deep inside, but with that it will spoil my whole day!!! I just want to walk out of the room like a normal person, go through the daily events just like everyone else. Im supposed to have a tight schedule tomorrow, and by already missing the morning clinic, i just don't want to miss the afternoon class. I seriously suck at fam med (i blame it on the lack of intrest), and if i miss the afternoon therapeutics class... BUT... the feeling of going through it again!!! I'd rather do anything else than go through the EXCRUCIATING PAIN!!! It was that bad till my tears came out, and the local just DID NOT do it's job. It's equivalent to drowning in you own secretions, suffocating, and the worst pain one can ever imagine. Just paint the picture that someone jamms a tube down your throat, near almost blocks your one and only breathing tract, with your bodily secretions flowing non-stop out of your mouth, and the climax, your body naturally regurges the tube, making a horrible, yucky sound. Even by hearing that you will wanna puke! All i can do now is just pray hard that it will go on smoothly, without any delay, and painlessly tomorrow...

"CHA" ing

Today i got my dose of 'cha'ing, in english it literally means 'giving it to you right to the face'! I got my quota for the rest of the week already. Initially it was when we were having lunch, and i made the fatal mistake asking Dr L where we could get good food for lunch, and the best part is i did not order any today. He retorted: "Why did you even ask? You don't even eat lunch." Wah lao! It really hit me skin deep! The next episode was when i was in Dr N's class in the afternoon, almost on my way to snoozieland, when she interupted with "i know that all you all are tired, lets just try to stay awake". And she was staring at ME! Gosh, it was really emberassing...

I guess that we have our good and bad days. I can't really say that it has been 1 of the bad days, i would rather put it as an OK day to live by. My gut treated me much better today, at least the colic has subsided to a level that i can survive without the help of buscopan, but the lavages are still as bad after meals. There are many things to anticipate in life, especially the future events for the rest of the 3 days of this week.

New housemate!!!

When I just started to drift into dreamland was the moment that i got called back into reality... By some idiot's friends that were making hell lot of noise. Come on, I need the rest! I need the sleep! You just made me grumpier than an old hag! What a way to welcome yourself into our peaceful and quiet little home sweet home. I could just screw you right now, but i shall resist, just because you will be paying your rent for the next few months, and we are in a really broke situation now!

If i just had won last week's 15 million lottery, I guess my life would be different now. No more financial misfortunes, no more frets about every little thing. Life would just be so nice, I would still be in my own world as usual, the only difference is that i would not have to count every dolar and cent that i spend! No more need for you as a housemate, as the rent wouldn't be a problem anymore...

Maybe you are nicer in person, i do not know. It's just that you chose the wrong day to move in. A time when i am deprived of sleep and food, a time that i really need the rest, real peace and quiet!

The art of stoning

This is an art, that you can only pick up from fam med posting... The best part is you don't have to do anything, just sit still and keep your eyes wide open (if you are able to do so). You body is there, but the mind has gone to a galaxy far far away. It's an art that only practice makes perfect, and a skill that's not that hard to pick up.

This was what i've been doing ALL DAY LONG. What else could have been better when i had my stoning partner with me, ky. It made life much better, at least we had a few laughs in between. Today we finally combined 2 groups into 1 big group. Wow, looks like both the groups were from different worlds; 1 sooooooo freaking serious, the other so 'FEI'!!! Looks like after the 4 weeks of segregation, everyone decided to stay among their own groups.

Sunday blues has come and gone... Not that bad. Even my dog goes through this phase. Ted gets pretty moody on sunday mornings, knowing very well that i'll be leaving him that evening. He goes on the day by walking aimlessly in and out of my bedroom, no response when his name is called. He goes on the whole day, staring at all my moves, just waiting for the moment i start loading my car...

Sunday blues...

Finally the weekend is over and the start of a new week is yet to begin. It has been a pretty long weekend for me, especially i spent almost my entire weekend in bed, nursing my head and stomach with tonnes of buscopan, lomotil, stemetil and celebrex. Sometimes it crosses my mind if whatever concoxion i 'cooked' up is potentially fatal? But i guess it's not, because i've been surviving on this for almost 3 months now. Lets just wait and see what happens to me eventually.

I lost another 1kg this week, and it was my mum that actually started the whole topic. Upon reaching home on thursday, I dashed in as usual to give my dog a hug, it was then my mum blurted out "Wow, u have lost weight and look good in the t-shirt and shorts compared to last time." My heart sank into a black whole. It's not that she has not seen me for a loooooong time (I go home EVERY WEEKEND!). It's not that she has not seen me in that pair of shorts and t-shirt before (this is what i wear day in day out). What made you say that? This is a serious issue that i take to heart. It's been some time i have been losing weight rapidly. Say, 20kg's in the past year? By calculation, about 1.5kg's per month, about 0.4kg's a week. But now, it's 1kg per week! Nothing beats that!

Gosh, all these events just made me think about whatever is going to happen this week. It would be rather intresting, if i may say so. Im starting family medicine = BOREDOM, tomorrow, where the art of stoning takes place. At least im with my partner, ky, hope it wont be that bad, at least we still can have some humour in it, judging by we laugh at virtually ANYTHING. There will be lunch sessions with Dr L to look foward to this week, where yc has the 'great plan' to blurt out our side of the story about whatever happened between us and cy. Then the horror im going to go through this thursday, drowning in my own secretions while someone is going to take a sample from my gut. And finally friday, where i get to go home and spend time with ted...

It's just past midnight, and i've officially started the week by BLOGGING! Isn't that great? I guess now there's no where else i'd rather be than home in sunway, snuggling under my blanket with ted, air cond full blast, CD player on with Il Divo... I've been just away from home a mere 6 hours, and i'm already homesick to the max. Sometimes i do wonder how ky survives through this every week, and i solute her for that. What a dreaded feeling, to start the week with sunday blues......