Life ain't easy. Not that i do not know it, it's just that im in denial most of the time, stubbornly refusing to accept it as a fact. I've always been a person who see's the bright side when things go wrong, but after whatever i've been or going through now, i'd better start facing reality soon.
Haven't been myself for the past few weeks. Procratination and 'building castles in the air' has taken over the better half of me. Whatever that's left is the 'nasty' half, the half that is practically controlled by whatever my gut has to offer. I suddenly realized that even my gut has the ability to control me, it overpowers all my actions, decisions and most importantly, how i lead my life every single day. There has not been a day, where i wake up in the morning, not wondering how 'it' will behave itself today. But, coming to think of it, i've been able to survive this lifestyle for at least 1 1/2 years now, so what's the big deal?
Oh, that is a big deal! I've never realised it until i was asked this question last week.
'So, it's been going on for 1 1/2 years now, how do you deal with it everyday? Have you missed any sems? How do you cope with it as well as you studies at the same time?'
Guess what? This question never ever popped into my mind before. Honestly i have NO IDEA how i manage to survive so far. One thing is for sure, it's been a HELL OF A RIDE, one that you only get it ONCE IN A LIFETIME (which i do hope that's true).
Only someone who has been in my position will understand what i've been through. It can't be put into words. Everyday passes with mistakes made and new experiences learnt. New coping strategies for new problems. Solving, solving, solving, that's what i am best at doing!
Nah, it's too late to give up now. I can't afford to do it, with less than 7 weeks to sem 9 finals, and less than a year to graduating, after spending the 'exorbident' time & money on my education... NO WAY!!! I've made my final decision, no matter what happens, im not going to give everything up anytime soon. OVER MY DEAD BODY! No matter what happens, im just going to slog through it, whether im physically or mentally capable to doing it or not. Im a strong believer of mind over matter, so whatever happens, don't dream about me giving up!!!
@ 0206, 09122007, the potholes better start filling up...
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