I finally got to start blogging once more, and hopefully this time shall be without any more internet disconnections! The blardy streamyx has been acting up again this past few days, and it's been just so hard to stay online continously for 1/2 hour!
Survived a TBL session with DK just now. It was not as bad as i expected it to be, as i was hoping that he would not pick on me, but there were times when we just made eye-contact and he would expect an answer from me! That sarcastic old man's sessions are really fun if you do not take his sarcasm to heart, and would just be filled with giggles and laughter...
So dreading tomorrows cp with Prof Y. He has the tendency to go on & on & on & on for 3 hours non-stop! And thanks to some selfish idiot who plans to go be a 'busybody' attending some CME, the cp only starts at 9am! Get it finished the earlier the better ma! Then i can go home and catch up in snoozieland for the afternoon class at 2pm. Now, it looks like my plans are all jumbled up once more, and no more snoozieland nap for me! By the way, the same blardy idiot will be pesenting as well, and oh god, the combination of both Prof Y and him shall be a total disaster as it might as well go on till afternoon!
Had a TOTAL BRAIN SHUTDOWN yesterday, and believe it, i slept for more than 13 hours in a 24 hour period. The quality of sleep was affected though, but at least i was able to function this morning. Went to wards a little late, was praying and hoping not to meet anyone famliar along the way, bumped into 'my mother' 1st thing in the morning while waiting for the lift! Nevermind that, bumped into her again in the wards about 1 hour later. Talk about sheer coincidence!
Was rather emotionally affected when i clerked my patient today. I know that im not supposed to be emotionally affected while in this profession, but this is one that i'll never forget. This lady in her late 50's, came in with swelling & pain of her left upper limb. Upon asking more questions, she told me that she has breast cancer and was diagnosed a year back. She was offered surgery and chemotherapy but defaulted all subsequent treatments and followups after her diagnosis. When asked why, she admitted that she was scared that her future was uncertain. The immediate question that struck me at that moment was 'did the dr in charge actually sat down and explained everything to her till she could understand the whole situation, or did he/she just tell her the diagnosis?' Nevermind that issue, then seeing her in so much pain, i decided to examine her when i saw her again tonight. But then, i had the opportunity to observe wound dressing being done on her later in the morning. I was speechless, in a state of shock after what i saw! Her left breast was practically 'excavated' out of her chest wall, leaving a HUGE cavity, oozing with blood and pus, surrounded by sludge and necrotic tissue. The wound was the size of her entire left side of her chest, extending towards her axilla and half of her back! Her entire right breast had the 'peau d orange' appearance, which extended till her right hypochondrium, epigastrium and left hypochondrium regions! She was helpless while the nurses cleaned her wound, did not complain about pain even a bit, and all she could do was put on a smile. Later she told me that she hoped that they could remove her right breast, as well as clear up the messy remains of her left breast, then start her on chemotherapy as early as possible. I really do pray that the doctor's in the ward are about to do the same thing, but when i flipped the BHT, all was written as the plan of management was wound dressing and continue antibiotics! They DID NOT even have the courtesy to tell her it's already too late!
She has so many worries in life; her husband who is currently unwell & staying alone in their 'kampung' house, her 5 children, where one of them is jobless, how long more is she going to suffer the agonizing pain and physical disabilities... It's just so sad to see someone in that state. Although i just knew her for less than 15 minutes, i felt as though i knew her a long time. When i sat down to chat with her, i felt as though i was chatting with someone i've known all my life. Though she was miserable and suffering, she did not make our conversation as such. She tired her best to be on the positive side and even offered a few smiles throughout the entire conversation...
I shall be presenting her case for CP tomorrow morning, though emotionally affected, deep down i know that she will pull-though this ordeal. There is no win or loose situation for her now. No matter what happens, she shall be considered a winner, a hero, in combating this physically mutilating and psychologically disbilitating disease!
@ Just lost my appetite for dinner... 1931, 24102007
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