* 111 *

Im not superstitious or what, but this is post number 111. It was mere a coincience that i just visited the site where the number of posted posts is stated. Apart from that, this is my first entry from my new HP notebook. Finally got one after the months long of surveying, but its known to cause problems of 'its own kind' since i started using it yesterday night. Went back to the shop in vain, but the lousy thing was 'perfectly' well behaved there...

EXTREMELY exhausted after a long weekend, then an 'old buddy' of mine decided to pay an uninvited visit today. Rather weak after all the lavages, but i think my 'sky-rocketing' adrenaline levels are keeping me alive at the moment. Shall see how long it can last!

Darn! Im just so undecided at the moment as to should i seek help or not! Its rather fustrating in a way that im in a really really bad situation now, and yet my subborness HAS NOT gotten over me yet! It's just a phase where im desperate for help and yet im not ready to get it by myself. Just can't describe the emotions im going through right this moment. Just too many possibilities. Just not ready to accept the truth. Just not physically & psychologically prepared to go through 'it' once more...

There are times when i really think that i DO NEED HELP, i've got ALL THE HELP I CAN GET, but it has been NONE as helpful so far. All because that no cause can be found, and yet im having all these problems. Come to think of it, sometimes it does make me wonder if it is really psychologically induced!

I really don'y know what to think. Even the thought of going to sleep is rather stressful (after all the unsuccessful attempts to get a good night sleep previously). I would just like to be as normal as can be, fall asleep ASAP, without any dreams if possible, so that the brain in my head can just 'take a well deserved break'!

@ tired, suffering, worries, stubborn... 0246, 09102007