It took me 22 years of toiling hard work to build the trust i finally got from my parents, but just 1 plain statement in a blink of an eye made me loose it all... Im REALLY REALLY SO DISSAPPOINTED, mainly because im INNOCENT!!! I just wish that they can hear me out, but my voice now is just drowned by all the thoughts that are put in to their brains! I have nothing much to say anymore, already reached a state that i have to accept whatever they think of me. I don't have a chance to defend myself, as it is already too late. All i can do now is just complain that life IS UNFAIR...
Just remember, the most priceless item that you can earn from your parents is TRUST... Now, i feel as though im back being a kid once more, where your parents always keep an eye on you 24 hours, 7 days a week. It feels as though i do not have a ability to think, act, and defend myself. I just feel so useless, wondering aimlessly, no purpose in life, like everything that im about to do is already well planned ahead...
Im practically yelling my lungs out for help now. Life is just NOT WORTH LIVING ANYMORE! It's as though everyone around you gives you a weird look, every step, every breath you take... My parents have been treating me differently ever since that faithful day... Maybe they can't accept it either, but they have yet to find out the truth that I AM INNOCENT! I am just bloody DISSAPPOINTED with whatever events that are happening now. I made a GREAT mistake to seek your help in the first place. Oh wait, i don't think i had a choice in the first place... I did not personally agree to seek your help, but rather i was 'referred' to you. If you can't find anything wrong, why not just admit it? Instead of putting nonsensical ideas into the layman brains of my parents.
MACAM MANA NI??? Im totally out of ideas now. It feels as though there is no place called home anymore. No more place where i can look foward to go to recouperate after a long, tiring week. Things are definitely going to be different from now on. I lost a place of comfort, a place of no worries, a place of security... Now, i don't even think that i can trust my parents... Probably it is a 2 way thing, they don't trust me as well...
Im having contradicting feelings about whether to go home or not this weekend. I am homesick to death, and yet, I am just not ready to face my parents for the time being. It feels as though we are strangers once more, and all the trust and sincerity that we built in our relationship for the past 22 years just washed down the drain. How i wish now that whatever happens in sban stays there for good. I made the mistake of taking it back home in the 1st place!!! It's all my fault!
DARN! It makes me feel so worthless and useless losing all these trust. It makes me fell like im an outsider, a liar, a fool, and not forgetting, A DRUG ADDICT!!! Even a normal person can go 'nuts', given this situation. Now, all i can think of is how to REDEEM myself once more. I'm not even bothered how im going to pass this friday's exam anymore. It's what im going to face in the future that matters now. My relationship with my parents... Oh gosh, im TOTALLY CLUELESS now on how im going to patch things up...
@ Sleepless nights... 0121, 21062007
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